Interfaith Marriages – Why can’t a Muslim Woman marry a non-Muslim Man?

Interfaith Marriages – Why can’t a Muslim Woman marry a non-Muslim Man?

By Ebrahim Saifuddin

People often ask the question that if Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women, why Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men. Firstly it is important to point out that Muslim men are not allowed to marry any non-Muslim women. The only people with whom the Muslim man is allowed to marry are from the People of the Book i.e. those who have faith in the previous revelations informed by Allah(swt).

“… (lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, – when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).” – [Quran 5:5]

To read the rest of the article please visit: Interfaith Marriages: Why can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a non-Muslim Man?

 

 

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220 Responses to “Interfaith Marriages – Why can’t a Muslim Woman marry a non-Muslim Man?”

  1. Saad Says:

    Makes sense and is quite logical.
    Gud job!

    • AB Says:

      Please help me. I have been seeing this man for a few years who was non Muslim. I am a Muslim female who prays and fasts. He on his own decided to convert to Islam. He reads the Quran and fasts and is reading various books on Islam. We plan on raising our children Muslim. My parents at first said I could marry him. Now they are denying him because he is not a born Muslim, I’ve gotten spit on, callled named, and they want me to leave the house. I’m going to marry him because I truly love him. They are going to let me marry him despite their objections but they say I’m going to burn in hell and that he is not truly Muslim. Help me what do you think of all this?

      • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

        Assalamu ‘alaykum,

        The reason given by your parents is unislamic. They do not know what is in the heart of this man. No one can know as we do not possess ilm al-ghaib. Knowledge of the unseen rests only with Allah (swt).

        In such a case, you can marry the man provided you are of age and the man is suitable for you. In Al-Hidaya it is stated that if a woman is sane and of age and a suitable match then the permission of her guardian is not pivotal.

        You need 2 male witnesses or 1 male and 2 female witness to be present at the time of proposal and acceptance. If the condition of witnesses is fulfilled, the nikah will be valid. The witnesses should be mature and sane.

        If the marriage is kept secret, the marriage in itself will be valid, but it will conflict the Sunnah, which is to make marriages public.

  2. ume roman Says:

    its great.
    n the best thing is u r sharing it all …
    JazakAllah..
    May Allah reward u for this…
    can i have all these articles mailed to me ?

  3. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    JazakAllah for the replies….ume roman I would not be able to email each one separately however you can share these articles as they are.

  4. sabina Says:

    sir, be a muslim i deep accept all the facts given in the text n really appreciate u 4 all the effort u hv done 2 collect all d content. i always want d answer 2 this quectn as i was once madly in luv vd a non -muslim guy.

  5. husein Says:

    wonderful, islam is the complete solution. Allah help us all.

  6. naaz khan Says:

    the article is very nice, the problems faced by the muslim girl and a non muslim guy in the marriage it depends on the nature of the person, but if the guy respect the religion ready to support the girl in his religion and views regarding islam then a girl can marry the non- muslim guy.

  7. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Naaz Khan

    I am afrain that is not true. They cannot marry from the people of the Book regardless of whether they think the person respects and is okay with Islam or not. We cannot know what the other person feels deep inside and only Allah(Swt) knows that. Hence He in His Divine Wisdom has forbidden this act. Even if we agree that exeptional cases are there, yet Islam cannot put all the Muslimahs in risk just for a handful of exeptional cases. Islam secures the woman in this case and thus has prohibited the Muslimah from marrying a non-Muslim.

  8. me Says:

    what happens to love….i believe in one and true love….whether it is a muslim man or non muslim and all humans being are equal…if i be happy living with a non muslim man and god punishes me because of that i am sorry but i love that person and no one will stop me from loving him………god forgive the true lovers

  9. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Thats the difference between a true believer and the others. True love is only towards Allah(swt) to whom we submit without question. His Laws are Absolute and to them is our first and foremost duty to submit. If we would decide to opt for the worldy love over the love for Allah(swt) then indeed we are sinful as we are submitters no more. No one can ensure happiness throughout one’s life. Only God can so to Him we must turn always.

    • AB Says:

      Thank you Ebrahim for your reply to my other comment.I’m sorry for misplacing my comments; however, I feel as though I’m a prisoner in my own home and am writing you via my cell phone. The guy I want to marry was nothing but kind to them. No one is talking to me in my family except my mother which I thank Allah for. They call me names when I pass by and talk about me and pass judgement on me. I don’t feel I have done anything wrong. My siblings have sins that I know of but I do not wish to bring up because my sisters will get in trouble even though my sisters make it worse for me I am trying to take the higher road. I’m sorry for rambling but I feel you are a non Biased Muslim and tell me how it is. I respect my parents even though my father has hit me as a grown adult before and recently spit on my face. I don’t say anything and take the verbal abuse from my entire family. Is this halal in the eyes of Allah to treat a family member let alone a human being? Thank you so much for your patience

      • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

        Assalamu ‘alaykum,

        Your parents are wrong to treat you in this manner for the reason that you want to marry someone who is not a born Muslim.

        In a narration in the two sahih books of hadith the prophet Muhammad (saw) is reported to have said: “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he is benevolent towards them, they would become protection for him against Hell fire”.

        If your father is not being benevolent towards you then he is at loss.

        While parents have rights on the children, children also have rights on the parents.

        However, I would simply advise you to be patient with them and be calm. The duty on your part is to obey your parents and not even say “uff” to them unless they ask you to do something which is not Islamic. The time that you are living with them, be patient and do not do anything that would earn you the anger of Allah (swt).

        Pray to Allah (swt) that these hard times pass away soon.

  10. Rami Says:

    I am not sure I understand the rationalization of any of this. I understand the point made and I respect it. However I have a hard time digesting comments like a non-muslim man, if he marries a muslim woman, will teach his children of only one prophet and one book, because that is all he believes, while a muslim man that marries a non-muslim woman will teach his children of all the prophets and all of the holy books because he believes in them all. I understand the basic idea but if that is the case why do different sects of Islam kill one another. Aren’t Muslims killing each other in certain parts of the world based on what prophet they believe is more important or which one came first? That doesnt sound like respect to me, or belief in all prophets to me.

    Why don’t religions respect each other regardless, Sunni, Shite, Christian, etc…. i tend to agree with “me’s” comments above. What about love? What about people respecting one another and not thinking they are superior to others because of their beliefs. You should love all people equally, not because they are muslim, christian, black or white. If you think you are better than someone just because you are muslim it is wrong. This is the problem we create for ourselves, for all of our people, mostly Arabs. Iraqis fighting Iraqis, Palestians fighting Palestinians.

  11. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Sectarian violence is not rooted within theology nor is over jurisprudence differences. Violence is opted by those minority militant people who are serving a political cause rather than a religious one.

    No they are not killing over which prophet they believe is more important. All difference schools of thought in Islam follow the same last and final Prophet Muhammad(saw) without a question. The difference between shia and sunni arises from the Caliphate. The Shias believe that Ali(ra) was the first (or rather should have been) the 1st Caliph while the Sunnis believe that Abu Bakr (ra) was the first Caliph.

    So as we can see, the issue is not over the prophets (pbut) or the Holy Book. The dispute is regarding the Caliph. Yet this dispute is not the cause of sectarian violence. I myself have a lot of Shia friends and we dont even argue about theology or jurisprudence. Generally Muslims are very tolerant to other schools of thought. Its just the minor militant element that is politically motivated which indulges in violence. They are in no way religious motivated and neither schools of thought require them to commit such actions.

    “…if any one slew a person – unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land – it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.” – [Quran 5:32]

  12. Rami Says:

    I think you misunderstood me. I wasn’t implying that sectarian violence was rooted in which prophet, or caliphate (my error on the word) for that matter, they believe in, or the succession thereof. My point was if Islam teaches the belief in all prophets, equality of the book and belief in one God, to me, it shouldn’t make a difference and we shouldn’t put roadblocks where they don’t exist.

    I do understand everything you said in your article. I however do not think it is a fair assumption to make that a non-muslim woman will be the ONLY one to respect and abide by everything the husband says in keeping an Islamic househould, etc… while a non-muslim husband will not respect his wife or her beliefs.

    To have a relationship, any relationship, you must respect the other person and their beliefs. If you don’t have respect for your wife/husband and/or significant other and their beliefs, perhaps religion isn’t the only reason you shouldn’t be together.

    Lastly, no one knows the true route or motives of sectarian violence, besides the obvious, being perpetuated by a minority of militants. Further my friend, I would hope that we all could sit and talk about theology and jurisprudence in an open forum, that is what all religions teach, to respect one another, but we both know that just because you and I may be capable of doing so, there are many people that cannot do so in a peaceful manner. It is fairly obvious that over the course of time many sects of same religions, not only Islam, have fought because one chooses to think what they believe is somehow superior, even though, like you said, it comes from the same book. Respect, man and woman…

    This all started with the discussion of marriage, if there truly was respect, in my mind, there shouldn’t be an issue.

  13. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Indeed the non-Muslim woman might not be the only one to request and abide and like someone else above, a question was raised about the non-Muslim being respectful etc. Even if one is to say that majority of the non-Muslims are respectful and will prove to be no hurdle in upbringing the child as a Muslim nor be a hurdle in the religious practices of the Muslim wife, still there are those who will be a hurdle and Allah(swt) needs to protect all the women and thus as a general rule it is not allowed. It is merely for the protection of the rights and interests of the Muslim woman at a much broader level.

    Indeed theological issues need to be worked out at a proper time and place. A lot of leaders are trying to bring the differences closer and InshaAllah in the near future the militant fragments will be rooted out effectively.

  14. zm Says:

    Thanks for this wonderful article. It’s so complete and is what I wanted to know and understand all this while. Am a muslim woman currently seeing a non-muslim man whom I dated for the past 6 years. We are now talking about marriage but of course religion is the main issue and obstacle. He understood that the country I live in now will not recognize our marriage if he does not convert. So he is suggesting us to do a civil marriage in his home country so that we can make our marriage happens. He insisted that he will never ask me to convert to his religion which is Christian and expect me not to ask him to convert to Muslim as well. However am not prepared to do this because it will be an insult to my own religion and I know I will not be happy. But problem is we really love each other so much and do not want to lose each other. We both come from family who practices our religions religously. How can you help me or rather us? Thanks.

  15. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    As-salam-alaikum ZM

    JazakAllah for reading the article.

    The situation that you are facing is certainly not a unique one and there are a lot of people currently in the same situation that you are in. However it was really nice to learn that you are not willing to marry a Christian. What you can do is speak with the Christian brother and explain to him about Islam. What he does not realize that even if a civil marriage is carried out it will not be recognized in front of Allah(swt). So you should speak with the Christian brother and try to convince him to accept Islam. What you can do is introduce the brother to the Imam of a masjid so that he can ask him questions related to Islam and get to learn more about the religion and how this religion respects Jesus(as). As a gift give him a book on the basics of Islam so that he can get a know how of the religion. InshaAllah with the help of Allah(swt) he will certainly accept Islam by using logic.

    If in the event he does not, we must realize that our first and foremost duty lies with obedience and submission to Allah(swt) and we must obey His rules. At times in life we are put in a situation where we have to choose between Allah(swt) and our worldly desires. This would be that time for you. Love should towards Allah(swt) and then directed towards everyone else. Many a times the prophets(pbut) had to leave their loved ones because they rejected the call of Allah(swt). Why did they leave them? Because they know that Allah(swt) created all being and to Him we have to return so our alleigence should be to Him and our love should be for Him primarily and the rest is all secondary. The point is that do we recognize this duty of ours? The early Muslims left their homes and loved ones and even fought wars against their fathers and sons. What for? Because they loved Allah(swt) primarily and then later on came everyone else. Again we have to ask ourselves what our priorities are.

    I can only tell you what the Islamic rulings are and what is right and what is not. At the end of the day only you can help yourself but the question is are you willing to do so?

    InshaAllah do know that if you will take a single step towards Allah(swt), you will be rewarded greatly for it. Do feel free to ask any follow up questions.

    Take care of yourself and others around you.

    Allah Hafiz

  16. ZM Says:

    Wa’alaikum salam , I appreciate your reply. In fact few years ago I did bring him to one of the Islamic Outreach Centre in the city I live in. He was impressed on how the Brother at the centre approached him. And that was the only opportunity I had to bring him to that kind of place (as we are living in a different town). But what he always questions me is, why in the Europe for instance, a Christian can marry a Muslim (especiallly the case like ours) without having anyone to give up their faiths? To him if that is workable… then it’s permissible in Islam. Why the double standard? This kind of subject will always lead us to a big argument.

    What I do now, whenever I find a good reasonable article on Islam in general on the internet I will forward him the link hoping that he will make the effort to know more about this beautiful religion of ours.

    However I have one question; like the Quran, does the Bible prevent any of its follower to convert to another religion?

    Jazakallahu khairan kathira.

  17. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    As-salam-alaikum…

    Every major religion warns the person from converting or leaving the religion. The laws of the Quran and the Bible are similar, the difference being that Muslims adhere to the law while Christians, due to human intervention keep on changing the law.

  18. zm Says:

    Assalamualaikum, many thanks for this. I will definitely perform an “Istikharah” prayer and ask Allah s.w.t to give guidance to me on this particular issue. InsyaAllah.

  19. farhat Says:

    assalamulaikum
    my first marriage was to a muslim but we got divorced. i am now married to a non-muslim man – we had a civil ceremony. we have a son who he has agreed to be brought up as a muslim – he has been circumcised etc and he supports me and my daughter (from my first marriage) going to the Mosque and our islamic studies and prayers. he believes in one God but doesn’t feel he is able to convert until he feels it in his heart. he reads lots of books on Islam, watches programs on it with me and has even visited Muslim countries and spends time with my Muslim friends. he has a lot of respect for the religion, way of life etc. i was born Muslim, but have only recently started to practice and seek knowledge – I was never taught how to pray or read Qu’ran by my parents – i always thought that you could not marry a non muslim because the children would not be brought up a Muslim and therefore thought it was ok in my situation. it would now appear that this is not the case so what do i do? i can’t force my husband to convert. am i supposed to divorce him? any advice or links to things to read would be greatly appreciated.
    wasalaam

  20. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Walaikum as salam

    I was pleased to learn that you have realized that which is Islamic and that which is not. Alhamdulilah Allah(swt) has definitely made you realize the truth. The marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man is outright prohibited in Islam and the marriage is not recognized in the sight of Allah(swt).

    What is not recognized is then illegal and a sin according to the Islamic Shariah. So while realizing that we are committing a sin, our first step should be to stop doing that act. My advice to you would be to seperate from your husband and ask him to study and come to a decision as to accept or reject Islam. If he accepts then you can become his wife again. If not then there is no option but to opt for a divorce. None of us want our children to grow up and then realize that their parents’ marriage was unlawful according the the Law of Allah(swt).

    And Allah(swt) knows best.

  21. Diania Says:

    I am a muslim woman who does not practice, getting married to a non muslim who is willing to convert to islam. I told him, if he really loves me, he would accept my faith and that is the only way I could marry him. Is this permitted in islam, if he converts can we marry?

  22. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    As-salam-alaikum Diania

    The only marriage concerning women that is not permissible, is for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man regardless of what faith he belongs to. The permissible marriage is that with a Muslim man.

    A man can be an atheist, Christian, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, but the moment he accepts Islam then he becomes a Muslim and marriage with a Muslim is permissible.

    However if one wishes to accept Islam only as a formality, so that he can wed a Muslim woman, then that conversion is not accepted by Allah (swt). We can hide the true intention from the people but we cannot hide it from Allah (swt). So He is well aware of our intentions. Conversion without the intention of practising Islam or having the intention to grow faith with time will not be accepted by Allah(swt). Moreover conversion cannot have a condition, in your case being, marriage because you will marry him only if he converts otherwise he will not convert.

    Conversion for the sole sake of marriage is basically not converting because the person will not practise Islam. So if he declares the Shahada, then while men or the Muslim community might accept his conversion, Allah (swt) will not because the intention is not to follow Allah (swt) but is because the girl he wants to marry is forcing him by saying that if he loves her then he should accept Islam. He will be reciting the Shahada for the sake of marriage and not because he truly believes that “There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah”.

    If however the person reads and studies Islam and wants to accept it then Alhamdulillah his Shahada will be accepted by Allah(swt) and your marriage with him will be legal in the sight of Allah(swt).

    I hope you do understand what I have tried to explain. If there are any confusions or follow up questions do feel free to ask.

    And Allah(swt) knows best.

  23. sue Says:

    Dear Sister,

    I am a Muslim woman and I am in love with a Christian man. However, I know deep down in my heart I could never be with him because of our religious differences. I would like to help him learn more about Islam in hopes that he will convert but I don’t want to come right out and seem obvious that I want this of him. Any suggestions on how to go about this?

    Also, I understand that a Muslim woman is prohibited from marrying a non-Muslim man. Why is it ok for Muslim women to marry Muslim men who only consider themselves Muslim because its the relgion they were born into? I have many Muslim female friends who are married and they’re husbands don’t follow the rules of our religion but because they are so-called “born Muslim”, it was ok for them to marry.

  24. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Dear Sister Sue,

    I appreciate you seeking a way to do that which is permissible in Islam. And know that all that you do which is Halaal will be rewarded to you by Allah (swt).

    The primary way to get a person learn more about Islam is by giving them a copy of the Quran. If he cannot read Arabic then give him a translation of the Quran. For English I would recomment Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s translation as comparatively that is more accurate.

    What more you can do is purchase a book or two on Islam and give it to him like for example on his birthday. Once he reads these he might ask questions, which is good. That way you can answer or get someone to answer the questions. For example you can introduce him to the Imam at a nearby masjid.

    Make sure you do not talk about Islam all the time because that just might drive him away from Islam. Talk to him about it casually. In real life situations talk how Islam teaches to deal with them. Slowly introduce him to Islam and its concepts.

    Coming to the latter part of your question. It is actually not recommended in Islam at all to marry he or she who is not pious. Muslim males and females alike are to marry the best of Muslims. The person should be pious. The Quran also informs us that we cannot marry immoral people:

    Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden. – [Quran 24:3]

    Both men and women are told to marry the practising Muslims and if some women choose to marry those who are not practising Muslims then that is a wrong doing on their part.

    However the imam who reads the Nikkah cannot detect if this man is a practising Muslim or not. Such people will proclaim the Shahada when asked to do so. They do not mind being called Muslims either. In fact some might think even though they themselves dont practise, they are destined to Jannah.

    So here is the duty of the female or the male, to not marry such people and marry the practising Muslim males and females.

    I hope your confusion is clarified. If not, feel free to ask any follow up questions.

    JazakAllah

  25. Jesse Murphy Says:

    I am an American who was working in Algeria for 16 months and fell in love with an Algerian woman and her with me. Even though she fell in love with me, she is a very devout muslim and had hoped from the start that my love for her would make me want to convert. Here’s the problem; I don’t know how, at the age of 46, to just believe in something that I wasn’t taught from childhood. It’s easy to believe something if your parents raise you knowing nothing else. If everybody around you, all of your family, your friends, if they all practice and believe the same thing, you have know reason to question the validity of the beliefs. I was rasied to believe in Jesus as our savior, but in my adult life I even began to question this. The Christian religion teaches “love”, we should love each other, God loves us, Jesus gaves his life for us out of love, etc…. But I found myself doubting a God, who is is called our father in christianity, who loved me so much but would send to “a lake of fire and brimstone” for eternity if I was not a “good christian”. I have raised 3 children myself, they mean the world to me, and I could never send them to a place like this just for not living by my rules. I want to marry her very badly, but she needs me to really convert and I will if I can just figure out how. Can you help?

  26. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Greetings my brother,

    Before prophethood was revealed onto Prophet Muhammad (saw) and even after it was revealed, his relatives used to follow a polytheistic religion. Apart from him yet conveying the message of God, many of the early Muslims who accepted Islam were previously polytheists. Their parents were polytheists. Their wives and children were also the same. Yet they went for what they considered the truth even though their families condemned their decisions.

    A family’s love should be unconditional and regardless of what a person decides, they should still love him. One of the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (saw) is that even if a Muslim’s parents are non-Muslims, they are yet to take care of them and not even utter “uff” in front of them.

    Many a times the people do think that because our fathers follow such and such things hence so shall we. But because our fathers follow it does that mean that it is true? If that were the case then every belief system whether theist or atheist would be true. There were people during the time of Prophet Muhammad (Saw) who also thought like this. The Quran recognizes people who think like this and thus addresses to them:

    “When it is said to them: ‘Follow what Allah hath revealed:’ They say: ‘Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers.’ What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?” – [Quran 2:170]

    My recommendation to you would be to pick up a copy of the Quran. If you cannot read Arabic then pick one of the English translations. I would recommend Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s translation as comparatively it is more accurate. Read the book with understanding. You can also pick up other Islamic literature to read.

    Islam is a religion open to all, regardless of your language, color or riches. Such things are of no importance in Islam. Only piety is important. To accept Islam one needs to recite the Shahadah i.e. the declaration that “I bear witness that there is no god but God and Muhammad is His messenger”. One can go to a nearby masjid (mosque) and tell an Imam there to help them recite the Shahadah.

    I can help you, or rather assist you (as I do not like to use the word ‘help’ because I believe the only person who can ‘help’ someone is primarily that person himself, and once the person is willing to help himself then Allah (swt) makes everything easy) in answering your queries, if you have any.

    I hope that answers your query. If not, then feel free to ask follow up questions. InshaAllah I will reply to whatever knowledge Allah (swt) has blessed me with.

    Do take care of yourself and others around you.

  27. Athar Riaz Says:

    This is good research. I am studying it more in detail.
    Thanks
    Athar

  28. IM Says:

    It is really sad to see people believe that Allah actually loves seeing people separate (divorce) simply because of their faith. Encouraging people to do that is absolutely wrong. God is LOVE and LOVE is what God cares about. Promoting separation between people creates hatred and resentment, which God absolutely hates because of His nature.

    It is incomprehensible to see a loving Allah promoting hatred between people simply because their minds cannot logically accept other peoples’ faith.

    If religion is not man made it would be 100% convincing to all people and our world would have only one religion. Faith is never man made as it innate and grows as we grow and strengthens by what we learn and see around us. Faith is in everyone’s heart and God has the final judgment. We should alway try to reach and teach other people the good ways an be good example to ours by our actions.

    I have many Muslim women friends who are married to Christian men. Almost all are loved to death and highly respected. The children are bred to respect other people’s ways.

    One should always think that “My religion is as true to me as yours is true to you”.

    We cannot be hypocrites. What about Bahai’s – they believe in all Prophets. The fact that the have Baha’ullah as their prophet, which is not considered a true prophet to Muslims, they are off limit! These people promote only peace, love, harmony, one world, one God, and respect for all religions.

    Let us not promote superiority. Let us promote love. Allah is in the hearts of those who believe and He also understands those who do not believe.

  29. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @IM

    It is really sad to see people misrepresent the religion and Laws of God. Allah(swt) wishes to secure the rights of the Muslims yet some people wish to expose the Muslims to harm. Reminds us like those hypocrites during the time of Prophet Muhammad(saw).

    You state “I have many Muslim women friends who are married to Christian men. Almost all are loved to death and highly respected.”

    “Almost all” is the key word. What about those who are going through a very bad time. And how much of a percentage do your Muslim women friends married to Christians constitute of the overall percentage of Muslim women married to Christians. What if I would tell you that almost all the Muslim women I know who are married to Christian men are in a very bad state. Then where would your argument lie?

    Do not represent or even try to misrepresent the religion of Allah(swt) because it wishes to secure the rights of the Muslims.

    Not being able to marry them is not promoting hate but securing rights. You should know at least that much.

    “My religion is as true to me as yours is true to you.” – Illogical argument which has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Never did the article state that you should disrespect or ridicule people of other faith. So enough with the deceptions and conjectures.

    Bahai’s are not Muslims – Period! Hence they can preach that all haram is halal; that does not affect Islam in the least.

    Kindly take your propaganda elsewhere.

  30. bigahk the kaffir smacker! Says:

    lol@rami..you got pwnd!

  31. Sana Razvi Says:

    assalamo alaikum
    i have got an upbringing in a very good Islamic atmosphere at my home and i personally feel Islam is the only religion which i can justify in every way. i don practice namaz regularly but other than that i really follow things and that is just because of khaufe khuda and the broughtup.i have never ever imagined of being in a situation where i am .i am having a non- muslim guy in my life and really want to have him forever..but again situation is same as in many posts above..he is ready to convert and is even ready to offer namaz as well as perform haj with me but that will be because he wants to see me happy and whatever i will say he will do for me..but i can sense that this is not true according to the teachings of Islam ..i can be pretty sure that i can make him believe perfectly after marriage once he converts..but in case he doesn’t, then whole of my Islamic education and beliefs would be of no use..i was very proud of myself that i would never ever be in any kind of embarrassing situations like this and I think Allah is testing me on this.I really don know what to do ? Please guide me out of it..Is it really allowed to marry him in the ‘name of conversion’ and he offering namaz just because i want him to do so…
    I have already told him a lot about Islam and even send him some articles on Prophet Mohammad(saw)’s life and he agrees to them and even respects them but all of a sudden he cant have full faith.
    one more thing ..if he has faith but is unable to change his name and signatures..does it really matter?
    Please guide me ,i am really going through a trauma of my life which i never expected and my religion is dearest to me than anything in this world because i am a person who does not follow things blindly and Islam gives me the answers to everything…Last i do love him and want to get married only to him and nobody else..
    Please show me the path…

  32. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sana Razvi

    Walaikum as salam Sister,

    If one wishes to accept Islam only as a formality, so that he can wed a Muslim woman, then that conversion is not accepted by Allah (swt). We can hide the true intention from the people but we cannot hide it from Allah (swt). So He is well aware of our intentions. Conversion without the intention of practisingIslam or having the intention to grow faith with time will not be accepted by Allah(swt). Moreover conversion cannot have a condition, in your case being, marriage because you will marry him only if he converts otherwise he will not convert.

    Conversion should always be for the sake of Allah(swt) and not for worldly matters. The prophet(saw) said that the intention will be the cause of the reward:

    Narated By ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab : Allah’s Apostle said, “The reward of deeds depends upon the intention and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for Allah and His Apostle, then his emigration was for Allah and His Apostle. And whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for.” – [Sahih Bukhari Vol.1, Book 2, #51]

    The actions are judged by intentions. So if the brother converts just for marriage then his conversion would not be for the best of reasons and he will not be awarded for converting for the sake of Allah(swt).

    Now would you want him to convert for the sake of Allah(swt) so that he can be on the right path and in the Hereafter he is among the righteous because you truly love him or you just want him to convert because you want to marry him and thats all that matters?

    His belief should come first and then your marriage and not the other way round. Any conversion for any reason other than the sake of Allah(swt) is actually hazardous. What if after marriage the person decides he does not want to follow Islam and leave Islam. Then what will you do? How will you live your life? I think its important for the Muslim women to think about all these possible outcomes before marriage.

    Secondly lets discuss the love you express for him. Its Allah(swt) whom we should love the most. We should never put His creation above him. Even the Messengers and Prophets(pbut) come after Allah(swt) and should never be above Allah(swt). Worldy gains are temporary and not permanent. We should try not to get distracted from our main purpose in life. Allah(swt) says in the Quran:

    Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: Women and sons; Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world’s life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to). – [Quran 3:14]

    Allah(swt) recognizes that worldly possessions are what people get attracted to but Allah(swt) says that the goal should be to be near to Allah(swt).

    The Quran also states:

    To any that desires the tilth of the Hereafter, We give increase in his tilth, and to any that desires the tilth of this world, We grant somewhat thereof, but he has no share or lot in the Hereafter. – [Quran 42:20]

    Remember you cannot have the worldly gains forever. If he is not for you then it could happen that your marriage would not last. So its Allah(swt) whom you should turn to and accept what He has in store for you. Hence our satisfaction should be with what He provides us for if we go out of the right path and try to get what is not meant for us, then we will just get tired of trying to acheive it but will never be able to.

    Many a times we are proud that we are not in a certain position like someone else is. Allah(swt) does not like this pride and thus puts us in the situation. Now we are going through a test and it is up to us whether we decide to pass it or fail it.

    Love for a person at the present moment makes us feel that we cannot live without that person. If that love does not work out we get hurt but with time it all goes away. That only shows its temporary nature. So should we run after what is temporary and leave that which is permanent? [Consider watching our video regarding “Life of this World”: http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2007/05/12/hayati-ad-duniya-life-of-this-world/%5D

    Regarding what you should do in your situation. Firstly make it clear to the brother that his conversion to Islam for the sake of marriage will not be acceptable by Allah(swt) as it will not be for Allah(swt). Secondly you should let him decide to convert to Islam for the sake of Allah(swt). If in case he does not then know that Allah(swt) did not have him for you and he was only a test which you had to pass or fail. If he converts for the sake of Allah(swt) then Alhamdulilah you can marry him.

    Regarding the name and signature: It is not a requirement of Islam for a person to change his name unless and until his name is against the teachings of Islam which is very rare. Otherwise there is no pre-requisite of changing the name. He can have his name. It is stated that its better to change but not an obligation nor a sin if one does not change the name provided the name is not against the teachings of Islam.

    Make dua for yourself and pray Salat Istikhara. InshaAllah Allah(swt) will make things easy for you. If you do not know Salat Istikhara then you can let me know and InshaAllah I will explain it to you. Also remember that one should not say that they want to marry only a specific person and no one else. Always keep in mind that if Allah(swt) wants you to marry someone else then He can install in your heart love for that person whom he wants you to marry. Such things we do not have control over. Worldly gains are immaterial – That should be our belief system.

    If you would like to discuss this issue further then feel free to discuss it.

    Recommended reads for you:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/why-are-our-prayers-not-answered/

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2007/05/12/tests-from-allahswt/

  33. Nathan Says:

    I’m a Christian man who would like to marry a muslim woman. I’m doing the following things just to learn if it can even be possible:

    1. I’m reading the Quran to understand her faith a bit more (and learn about what it says about marriages with People of Scripture
    2. Praying about it all the time
    3. Figuring out what parts of Islamic law I’d feel comfortable keeping. Things like givinig up pork, daily prayers, Ramadan, those are all things I would integrate into my life if I were with her. I’d be happy to engage in many Islamic practices with her as a way to bless both of us.

    Basically, I think it can work if we both understand all the problems up front. I don’t think I know all of what they could be. Does anyone have experience where Christian men have dated Muslim women, and the result was disaster?

    ntl

  34. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Nathan

    It is nice to know that you are reading the Quran in order to understand the Islamic faith. However one bit a Muslim has to be careful about is not to pick and choose what part of the Book they are going to follow. Allah(swt) says in the Quran:

    Then is it only a part of the Book that ye believe in, and do ye reject the rest? – [Quran 2:85]

    So a Muslim has to hold fast to the entire law rather than pick and choose.

    Whether it can or cannot work if a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man is a moot point as it is forbidden in Islam. However marrying a man who reverted to Islam is not at all forbidden.

  35. Sana Razvi Says:

    Assalamo Alaikum..
    i posted u earlier having some doubts which you answered very well and Alhamdolillah i realized my destiny..u truly said Allah was testing me which i also realized earlier when i was pained..I was not sure of what kind of conversion is acceptable..I had this doubt because I read in Quran..” O Momins,don’t give your daughters to those who don’t believe ;until they believe”..about this “believe” word i thought getting converted is most apt act accepted in Islam.But after reading your wonderful blogs and well justified reply of yours to me i got to know actually what kind of conversion is accepted, I never knew this was the truth..and u truly said that intentions can be hidden from people but not Allah..I told all this to him and told him that i cannot compromise on Islam even a bit because it is already we are committing sins unknowingly but marrying in the way he wants would be getting myself into hell intentionally and i wont be able to do so..brother i am really thankful to you and Allah made you to show me the path.I never had an affair with that guy ..it was just that I loved him and saw a dream of having a life with him if he converts which he was ready to do..He is a perfect person in my eyes so i was driven by the emotions after seeing so many unsuccessful marriages around me and thats why i decided to marry him only if I was not doing anything Non-Islamic..but after u replied I realized that he getting converted for my sake will always be non-islamic unless he comes towards Allah himself.
    Brother I am really thankful for showing me the path..It was only Allah Taala’s marzi that I came across your blogs from nowhere suddenly and i posted a query..before that I was pretty sure that he getting converted is enough.Thanks..
    But i feel like telling you that I am in immense pain and i just could not come out of it..I end up crying a lot everyday despite of my busy schedule in IT industry..Please tell me something through which I can reduce my pain.I will chant Quran but please tell me some soorah or aayat or dua chanting which specifically reduces my pain which is unable to bear..I know its for time being but i felt as if i am finished inside..
    thanks..

  36. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sana Rizvi

    Walaikum as salam
    All Praise to Allah(swt) who guides those who wish to be guided. As mentioned in the Quran:

    Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. – [13:11]

    Alhamdulilah you are struggling in the way of Allah(swt) and this is your jihad. InshaAllah Allah(swt) will make things easy for you.

    First and foremost it is really important for us to ask for forgiveness for whatever sin we have committed whether small or big. And I am not referring to sin as in having affairs. I am talking generally. In a day we normally commit a lot of sins. We at times speak rudely with our parents or brothers and sisters in Islam. Everything counts so its important for us to ask for forgiveness for all the intentional and unintentional sins so as to free our souls from the burden of these sins and come closer to Allah(swt). Asking for forgiveness is one of the best ways to come closer to Allah(swt) as it shows submission and acceptance of Allah’s(swt) complete authority over all of our domains. Seeking forgiveness is the primary tool for you to use to ease your pain.

    Alongside asking for forgiveness it is of utmost importance that you establish 5 time prayer regularly. Thats one of the pillars of Islam and thus to seek any favor from Allah(swt), it is highly crucial that we establish our prayers (at least the 5 ones). If you can you should also try to pray the tahajjud. After prayer do D’ua. D’ua is a tool given to the Muslims to help them out of any and every situation. Ask Allah(swt) directly in clear words to help you through this time and make love for Allah(swt) increase in your heart than the worldly things around you.

    In Nasai it is recorded that the Prophet(saw) said that he finds relief and rest in prayers.

    Remain in prostration and praise Allah(swt) and ask him to bring relief to you.

    “Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds.” – [7:55]

    Next give voluntary charity to the needy. This will help one come closer to Allah(swt). Any charity should be given in a way where the right hand gives and the left does not get to know about it.

    Without doubt in the remembrance (Zikr) of Allah do hearts find tranquility. – [13:28]

    Zikr means either to make dua or the tasbeeh or even prayers like nafl prayers.

    Below is something you can recite for relief of sorrow and pain.

    In Mushkawat Bab-al-da’wat Fil-Awqaat Fasl 2, it is reported from Abu Sa’eed Khudri (ra) that one person was indebted and the Prophet(saw) said “I will teach you that by which Allah will remove your grief and sorrow and also pay off your debt” Recite the dua in the morning and evening:

    “Allahuma Inni a’uzu bika min al Hummi wa al huzni wa Auzu bika min al Ajaz wa al kasal wa auzu bika min al bukhl wa Al jubn wa auzu bika min ghalabat Addeen wa qahr Arreejaal”

    Meaning: “O Allah, I take refuge in you from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men”

    To be recited after the Fajr and Maghrib prayer.

    [If you have trouble reading the transliteration then I can send you a scanned pic of the Arabic version of the D'ua as I do not know how to write in Arabic characters over here]

    Also recite:

    “Hasbi Allahu La ila ha illa hua a’layhi tawakkaltu wa hua Rabbul A’rshil A’zeem”

    Meaning: Allah is sufficient for me. There is no God but He. I have placed my trust in Him and He is Lord of the Exalted Throne.

    This D’ua is mentioned in Abu Dawood, Hadith # 5081, that whoever recites this dua in the morning and evening, 7 times with sincerity or not, Allah(swt) will bring ease in his worry, anxiety and hardships. [Rough English Translation of hadith]

    In Jila’ al Feham, 359, it is mentioned on the authority of Hazrat Jabar (ra) that the prophet (saw) said: “Whoever recites after the fajr and maghrib salah 100 times Durood then Allah (swt) will fulfill 100 of his/her needs – 30 in this world and 70 in the Hereafter. To be recited: “Allahuma Salli Ala Muhammad”

    I have given you D’ua from the Hadith as they are the most effective and recommended by the Prophet(saw) himself. I just had to give rough english translation of the hadith as some of the hadith are not available in then english language.

    Here are some invocations for curing depression and anxiety.

    From Tirmidhi:
    “La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minal zalimeen”
    Meaning: There is no God but You. How perfect You are. Indeed I was of the wrong-doers.

    From Ibn Maja:
    “Allahu Allahu Rabbi la shariku bihi shaiyan”
    Meaning: Allah, Allah is my Lord. I do not associate anything with Him.

    From Bukhari:
    “La ilaha illalahul a’zeemul haleemu la ilaha illalahu rabbil a’rshil a’zeem la ilaha illalahu rabbus-samawati wa rabbul arzi wa rabbul a’rshil kareem
    Meaning: There is no God but Allah, The Exalted, The Forbearing. There is no God but Allah, Lord of the Supreme Throne. There is no God but Allah, Lord of the Heavens, Lord of the Earth and Lord of the Noble Throne.

    Note: The meanings of the d’ua are NOT rough translations. If you have problem reading the transliterations then feel free to ask for scanned images of the Dua.

    These duas are from the books of hadith recommended by the Prophet(saw) and thus the most effective. Also do remember that for us to make dua to Allah(swt) is one thing but we also have to cleanse our hearts by coming closer to Allah(swt). And we can only come closer to Allah(swt) by adhering to His commandments. When we will start to fill our hearts with the love of Allah(swt) then our hearts will start to push out the darkness and the diseases of the world.

    If you have any other queries on this or whatever other topic you want to discuss then feel free to do so InshaAllah.

    InshaAllah I will pray for you that may Allah(swt) ease your difficulty and sorry and depression and pain. May Allah(swt) help you make yourself one of the righteous who will enter Janatul firdaus. Ameen.

    Always remember the following:

    No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. – [2:233]

    Without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction – [13:28]

    So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief – [94:5]

    Do take care of yourself and others around you.

  37. Jumana Says:

    I also believe in true love I have been in a harder situation becasue my father is lebanese and muslim and my mother is mexican I didnt really raised as “islamic” and now that i am 18 my da wants to marry me to a muslim man. I am deeply in love with a Non-muslim man and I am going to be with him no matter what My father has to support me in whatever makes me happy. Everybody choses their way of life.you only live onceso make it your best not what is expected.

  38. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Jumana

    “You only live once” – That statement is the most incorrect statement normally used by atheists. You do NOT live once. We live twice. Once in this world which is temporary and the other in the Hereafter which is permanent. So now you have to make the choice of whether to choose the life of this world or the life of the Hereafter. Muslims can only tell you what is right or wrong. The decision is for you to make – make it wisely.

  39. kamal of wales Says:

    Why not follow the true meaning of the Quran… and all religions for that matter. Love everything/everyone equally, and let God decide…

  40. kamal of wales Says:

    there are of course a few quams with religion… 1. Allah is the most merciful, yet it is he who destroys all he creats. 2. He is the most patient, yet it is he who runs out of patience with the none believers. I dont understand this rational thought. Also, if God can do whatever he wants… listen closely now… isn’t it true that he can also lie to us?… what if there isnt such thing as an after life, and hes keeping that a secret… what are you gonna do?… you can’t argue with God…
    But i agree with “ME”, marriage is about respect either way, any relationship that is… most muslim marriages fail before they start due to the two involved not respecting the individual because they barely know each other. anyway, may all you people out there find peace with your souls, wether your living once, twice or simply re-incarnating a million times. The truth is, we are all human, and we have to deal with it, we may cross each other’s paths one day, but who knows. nobody really knows which religion is the truth, you all say your own is valid, so i guess we’ll just have to find out eh. good luck, good bye! salam, shalom.

  41. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Kamal Of Wales

    God has already decided what to make lawful and what not to make lawful and thats in the Quran. So your first statement is irrelevant.

    Allah(swt) does not “destroy” all that He creates. Life in this world is temporary and the next one is forever. Allah(swt) does not run out of patience either. Every evil is punished and thats the law of not only Allah(swt) but every country as well which is formulated by man. Muslims never claim Allah(swt) can do “anything”. You are putting words in everyone’s mouth. The concept of God in Islam is much different than the concept of God in most of the other religions. So hence God cannot lie and thus the Hereafter is a reality and not a secret lie. You just have to familiarize yourself with Islamic teachings.

    Most muslim marriages fail?? Really? And your statistical source is??? – Your imagination?

    And yes do find out which religion is true. Seek the truth with sincerity and you will InshaAllah find it one day.

  42. zander Says:

    may i say something?

    im a non muslim. i love my girlfriend, muslim. i respect her religion like i expect her to respect mine. why be so harsh when it comes to religion, instead of embracing love?

    the cristians do not punish others for the love they share. even a mix marriage is possible in the cristian church coz we embrace love and difference.

    thanks for your attention.

  43. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Zander

    Sure you can say something brother. Your questions have already been answered in the article. Hope that helps.

  44. fatima Says:

    Salam,
    I like what u write, and I am going the same problem as most of my sisters above are/were experiencing.
    I’ve told the guy that he has to convert to Islam, and no wonder got similar answers as most of the sisters got or some of the statement such as “i respect your religion and you should respect mine”, “religion should be a private choice” and more.
    I am writing just to add, that here in Massachusetts most of the Muslim brothers marry non-Muslim women leaving most of the sisters with no marriage applicants, I mean i do know many of the sisters, wear hijab, highly educated, with good jobs and still single, either they try to find a husband through the internet or faced to marry back from their original countries.
    I just want to add that it is hard for the Muslim women (like me)to convince a guy about Islam, also i can’t blame them from looking at Islam as the media, and the Muslims portray it.
    Wassalam

  45. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @fatima

    Walaikum as salam,

    JazakAllah for your kind words. Indeed what you have mentioned is a problem that the Muslims as a community are facing in the Western countries. It is indeed sad and disappointing that the Muslim men are giving priority to non-Muslim women rather than the Muslim women.

    What we should do is educate the Muslim males with regard to fixing their priority list. Prophet Muhammad(saw) is reported to have said:

    Narrated By Abu Huraira : The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. – [Bukhari Vol.7, Book 62, #27]

    However unfortunately there are people who act quite the contrary to the advice of the Prophet(saw) without realizing that they will be losers.

    InshaAllah we should do our part in making them realise the faulty decisions that they are making.

    Wassalam

  46. Asmaa Says:

    Well, may be what i am going to say is different. I’ve met couple of Muslims brother (for marriage of course) but none of them made the next move-not- that I am ugly or stupid or la samaha Allah do bad things or have a bad reputation, just because, I am muhajaba, have a degree, hold a good job and a volunteer in an Islamic charity and ah think like a westerner which always confusing to me as some of them marries American women.
    If you brother advised sister fatima that we need to educate men here in USA, i don’t know how she or most of the Muslim women can do it? I’ve met a German guy, who loves me to death and is willing to do anything for me, but when it comes to converting to Islam, he said he can convert but for me, not that he believes, I’ve told him that he needs to convert for the sake of Allah, he asks for more time and he said he may not convert because of what he hears and sees from the muslims around the world. I’ve given him the Quran in english, some videos and every time we urge about Islam, I feel like i am defending my religion and my people and in the same time want him to convert so badly and he knows that i always try to convince him about islam.
    I know you will say i should leave him because he is a non believer, but I do hope that he will convert one day and i am willing to wait for him, and in the same time I am angry at the muslim men here in my state because i feel they are the one who put me in this situation where i have to choose between my religion and my heart.
    Now, i am trying to stop any connection with him, but I am the one who always call or write to him it seems that i can’t stop doing that.
    Sorry, but i feel that i need to share my dilemma with other sisters and in the same time, I want to know if the other sister were successful in converting their loved ones.

    Thanks,
    Salam

  47. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Asmaa

    As-salam-alaikum,

    Firstly on how to educate the Muslim men regarding this. What one can do is to talk to the imam of a nearby masjid to include this in his lectures on for example Jummah. The imam can talk about the importance of giving the first preference to marrying a Muslim woman rather than running after non-Muslim women from the People of the Book. Next one can arrange a session where a learned speaker is invited who can address this issue and educate the males of the Muslim population. Flyers and pamphlets with Quranic verses and Ahadith should be distributed as well.

    Secondly there was a situation similar to yours with one of the other sisters above. I never advised her to “leave” him. What I advised to her and what I will advise to you is to “wait” till he takes his decision. Cut contact with him and make it clear that you will wait for him till he takes his decision. Tell him that if he accepts Islam for the sake of Allah(swt) then Alhamdulilah you will marry him otherwise it has to end. So you do not have to “leave” him per se. All you have to do is give him time and wait for him.

    Regarding you not being able to stop writing to him or calling him. Many a times we are placed in a situation where we think that we just cannot stop doing such and such as we lack the will to do so. This is again a lack of effort on our part which we interpret as “I can’t do this”. What I would advise is that you should pray the Salah Istikhara and ask Allah(swt) to clear things for your marriage. You can also just read the dua Istikhara in conditions where you cannot pray.

    Yes the Muslim men are to be blamed for the situation the Muslim women are put into but at the same time if we take non-Shariah steps because of the situation we are put into, it will still be ghair-Shari and thus a sin. Satan whispers in our hearts and puts us in a position where we think we just have to do something. Yes Satan is to be blamed but we too will face judgement regarding the steps that we take. So while I would definitely blame the males as well; still that would not justify any ghair-shari steps that one would take.

    In the end seek forgiveness for any intentional or unintentional sin and pray to Allah(swt) to make things easier for you. InshaAllah that which is beneficial for you will happen without a doubt. We are often tested by Allah(swt) so we should try to pass the test by remaining within the boundaries of the Shariah.

    Feel free to discuss this issue further if you would like.

    Wassalam

    P.S: For my research purposes can you name the state in which you reside?

  48. Asmaa Says:

    Salam Brother,

    Masha Allah, you really make me see what i was doing, Wallahi I do pray and ask Allah for forgiveness I even cry sometimes because of what i do (talk to this guy in a non-shariah way). Please, remember me in your douaa. I will stop insha Allah my contact and wait for what Allah will give me.
    I live in Boston similar to sister Fatima,

  49. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Asmaa

    Walaikum as salam,

    Alhamdulillah. That is good to know sister that you are willing to opt for the Islamic steps as prescribed by Allah(swt). I just addressed this issue in a video which I just uploaded on youtube as well. Will be InshaAllah adding it to this blog as well. InshaAllah people will take naseeha from it.

    You are from Boston as well. Thats interesting….I guess Boston has a huge collection of the silly Muslim men (j/k).

  50. Asmaa Says:

    Salam again,

    I think not only Boston that know this problem, but all around the states.
    I pray that Allah have mercy on our souls.

    Thanks,

  51. Lis Says:

    Bro Ebrahim,

    I believe all human race in the world are created by Allah swt. Some of them are muslim and some of them are not. From all you answer, I got impression that you thought everybody can choose their religion.

    But let me tell you, some people cant choose their religion cause they got their religion by birth. And not all people got vision (hidayah) from Allah swt to convert to Islam.I can understand if you say that people who got vision is “the choosen one”. So, how about people who didnt get vision from Allah? Are they gonna punish in hell because they didnt know or dint get vision?
    Then how you explain about this?

    If all non muslim will be placed in hell in the judgement day, why dont Allah create all human being as a muslim?

    I’m sure Allah loves all His creation,all human being no matter they are muslim or not. Coz He creates all of us.

    By the way, I’m a muslim gal and I brouhtup in a muslim family.
    I think alot of muslim missinterpreter what is written in Holy Qur’an and hence alot of missleading in ayyah interpretation.
    This missleading lead us to war that happened recently.
    I think all of us should respect one to another no matter what religion their are or what race they are.
    Nobody is superior to another because of one religion.
    Remember,Allah are the creator all human beings.

    cheers…

  52. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Lis

    As-salam-alaikum

    Sister everyone believes that all human racein the world are created by Allah(swt). It is true that people have religion by birth and that religion that they have by birth is the religion of Islam. It is only when they see their parents practising Christianity or Judaism or Hinduism or Buddhism that they choose to accept that.

    Every single person who sincerely seeks the truth gets guided by Allah(swt) and thus accepts Islam. Those who do not sincerely seek the truth do not accept it. Many others do realise the truth but cannot accept it because their parents follow some other religion and due to peer pressure they cannot accept the truth and follow falsehood. Any intentional rejection of truth is punishable by Allah(swt).

    So yes Allah(swt) did create everyone a Muslim but people tend to look at their fathers and forefathers and adopt their ways. People tend to reject the truth after learning it. People tend to read about Islam but not from an open heart.

    Prophet Muhammad(saw) explained the Quran and hence any interpretation in light of Prophet Muhammad’s(saw) interpretation is not misinterpretation. It is just the lack of knowledge that makes us think that it is a mininterpretation.

    No one stated that we should not respect people of the other faith. Islam teaches us to respect all human beings. This article never stated that one should disrespect people of other faith. So I really do not know why you mentioned it.

    Superiority in the sights of Allah(swt) is there due to piety and righteousness and those who follow the laws of Allah(swt) are pious and righteous. This is in the sights of Allah(swt) but humans should not judge others. This is what Islam teaches and no one denies it.

    Wassalam.

  53. Aziza Says:

    Salamu alykoum,

    is it allowed for a sunni woman to marry a shia man?

  54. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Aziza

    Walaikum as salam,

    It is permissible for a Muslim woman to marry any Muslim man regardless of his sect. However to be more practical regarding this issue, if a sunni woman wishes not to follow the rituals of our shi’ite brothers then this should be made clear before the marriage. One can add it in the marital contract (nikahnama) if one wishes. Certain rituals of our shi’ite brethren might not seem to be appropriate for the sunni sisters to adhere to and thus to prevent any post-marital disagreements it is better to clear the matter up front. The marriage is permissible.

  55. sue Says:

    I am a Muslim woman and I am in love with a “Christian” man. I understand that it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim. The reason I quoted the word Christian is that although this man considers himself to be a Christian because he was born that way, he sincerely in heart believes that there is only ONE God and he believes that Mohammad was His messenger just as all the messengers that came before him. I know that God does not judge us based on what it is that we call ourselves and he will only judge us based on what it is that we believe. Submission to God alone is the only acceptable act and I believe that there are submitters in every religion.

    I, as a Muslim woman, just recently began studying my religion more and learning what it’s all about. I used to pray and fast but only because I knew it was something I was supposed to do. Part of the reason this occured was because I met him and being that he’d already read the Quran for himself and gone to some lectures at the mosque, he encouraged me to study it and interpret things for myself rather than listening to what everybody else tells us. I now understand what the meaning is behind these things that I’ve been doing and I feel closer to God because of it. Otherwise, I’d be following my faith blindly and many people I believe do unfortunately. The Quran states that “You shall not accept any information, unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight, and the brain, and you are responsible for using them.” 17:36 Even as a Muslim, I can’t honestly say that I accept every single thing that the Quran states but that is also based on the fact that I interpret some things different than others. I feel that he is the same way with this issue. I don’t believe God will punish either of us as long we do everything in our ability to seek the truth.

    This all leads to the question I wanted to ask: Would it be permissible in Islam to marry this man if he states that although he is a “Christian” he sincerely and truly believes in One God and Mohammad as his Messenger?

  56. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sue

    As-salam-alaikum

    Quite an interesting position which you have stated regarding the beliefs of this brother. I would like to clarify something.

    What is a Christian? A Christian is a person who believes that God (the Father) sent His son (God the son: Jesus) to be sacrficed for the sins of the world or more accurately the original sin. A Christian believes in a triune God being:

    (i) God the Father
    (ii) God the Son
    (iii) God the Holy Ghost

    Now there are also Christians who believe in One God known as unitarians. However they do not believe in Prophet Muhammad(saw).

    If this brother believes in one true God (one in the purest form showing uniqueness) and that Prophet Muhammad(saw) is the last and final Messenger of God then this brother is a Muslim.

    For a person to be a Muslim he has to simple say:

    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

    Transliteration: ASH-HADU ANLA ILAAHA ILL-ALLAH WA ASH-HADU ANNA MUHAMMADAN RASOOL-ALLAH

    Translation: “I declare that there is no god but God and I declare that Muhammad is the Messenger of God”

    When a person says it then he is a Muslim. However you have to be sure that this brother does not believe in Jesus being anything more than just a Prophet of Allah(swt) and that he considers all which has been declared by Islam as haram to be haram.

    Another important point which you raised regarding your interpretation of the Quran. It is encouraged in Islam to study the Quran ourselves but our interpretations should be in accordance to how Prophet Muhammad(saw) explained the Quran. If we deviate from how the Prophet(saw) explained the Quran then we will be nothing but deviants and not true Muslims.

    To conclude, this brother already became a Muslim the day he declared that there is only One God and Muhammad is His Messenger. Marriage with a Muslim is permissible.

    However lets move to a more practical side of this issue. The brother needs to declare it formally and I will let you know why.

    Firstly for you to undergo your nikah (marital contract) you need the permission of a wali. The wali being your father, brother etc. They might not allow the marriage if they are under the impression that this brother is a Christian. The female can only make an imam or the State her wali if the parents disagree to the marriage based on unislamic reasons.

    Secondly an imam will never be your wali nor will be willing to read the nikah if he is under the impression that this brother is not a Muslim and is a Christian.

    Thirdly even if you figure out a way to go about it by getting married in court in a non-Muslim country, your action can be hurtful to your parents as they would still think that this brother is a non-Muslim. Islam lays down great stress on not hurting our parents even if they are non-Muslims.

    Fourthly, although Allah(swt) knows all that which is in the hearts of the people but when advising I have to make sure that I cover up all practical aspects. It could be possible that a person claiming to be a Christian says to believe in One God only and Muhammad as the Messenger of God for the sake of marriage. Please do note that I am not accusing the brother to be like such a person but I really do have to think about as many aspects as I can before giving any advice.

    If the brother wants to keep this a secret from his family then he can declare the shahada in front of an imam in private who would be able to guide him on how to approach to the deen and practise it.

    So while the marriage with him being a Muslim is permissible it is better for the brother to formally declare the shahada.

    Hope that answers your question. Feel free to ask any follow up questions.

    Wassalam

  57. sue Says:

    Thank you for your reply so quickly. I understand and have considered all these aspects that you have mentioned. I haven’t made a decision yet about anything and I know that I must think long and hard before I do so. However I have another question. I am aware that he has to declare his faith in order for us to marry in front of an imam. I am wondering though, if he wishes to remain known as a “Christian” for his family’s sake yet he does believe in One God as well as the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh), would that be permissible in Islam? I’m very open minded and I believe it really doesn’t matter what a person calls themself as long as deep down they believe what’s right. I am a Muslim because I believe in One God and that Mohammad was his Messenger. It’s easy for me to call myself a Muslim because I was born into that. It’s not so easy for someone who was raised differently. God’s opinion is the most important one and I know that. Again I thank you for your advice as this has been very helpful and informative for me.

  58. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sue

    As-salam-alaikum

    Like I stated if he fears that he will hurt his family by declaring a reversion to Islam in front of him then it fine if he does not tell them. He can declare it in front of the imam and also your family. However he should not perform Christian rituals or pray to Jesus etc even when he is in front of the family as that would be shirk.

    The reason why I am mentioning is that when we are judged in the Hereafter we are not judged according to what we think or how open-minded we are. We will be judged according to the Shariah. Hence it is important that we try to stay within the boundaries of it.

    I do understand his position because his parents are not Muslims. It does get hard for one to face the family. Hence at the moment it is fine for him to not tell them about the reversion as long as he reverts in front of an imam and your family. That is more important.

    I hope that answers your question and please feel free to ask any follow up questions.

  59. sarah wagan Says:

    i think that is wrong!!! i am agood muslim read prayer everyday soo i dont think that marrying a christian man is wrong especially if he plans on keeping our children muslim yea u heard me!!!! this is outrageous woman have the right to love to u know!!

  60. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sarah

    You “think” that is wrong? And where is your evidence to think as such? Is your “thinking” superior to the command of Allah(swt)?? There is a clear cut command in the Quran that a Muslim woman cannot marry from the disbelievers so regardless of what you “think”, if you do marry then thats a sin according to the Quran. Primary love should be for Allah(swt) alone and then anything else should be loved for the sake of Allah(swt). “Reading” prayer everyday does not make one a good Muslim.

    Wassalam.

  61. Nazia Says:

    My cousin who was born into a Muslim family is marrying a non-muslim man. They are having a civil ceremony which will be restricted to close family. A week after the civil ceremony, there will be a non-religious celebration of the marriage. Are muslims allowed to attend this celebration / reception? No ceremonies will be performed at this celebration – it is simply a dinner reception.

  62. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Nazia

    As-salam-alaikum

    It is not right for a Muslim to attend anything cultural or otherwise that goes against Islam. Clearly this wedding is against Islam and showing up there would be in a way attesting to the authenticity of the wedding in the eyes of Allah(swt). Non-Muslims and others can take the presense to be evidence that such weddings are permissible in Islam while in reality they are not. If I were in your shoes I would not participate in the wedding even if it was just a small dinner.

  63. tara Says:

    As-Salaam-Alaikum

    I’m a muslim women. My faith in Allah is continuosly strengthening with the current events happening across the world. I feel that we suffer pain in order to remember Allah, this life is an endurence test for the after life where all whom pass will be blessed with fruits of eternal happiness.

    My family have always been informative about islam however they never forced me to pray but infact wanted me to pray when I feel I should. I am trying my best to pray 5 times after all if it is easy for people today to come home in time to watch tv why can’t we complete our prayers? After all it is ourself whom benefit from the blessings from Allah which we recieve for remembering our creator.

    Alot of inventions today like tv, internet & overall media I believe is able to be halal & haram.
    For example it is not the tv, internet or media but what we choose to do with it is the main concern.
    You can watch informative programs to keep informed about current events or you can watch illicit films.

    In relation to marriage, rules are set in every religion however it is up to the individual to decide what path to follow. My family have explained what is permitted & what is not. I chose to have a career in Media because I want to bring awareness to certain issues happening in society although the field is not widely accepted in Islam my family told me to follow my heart as they know that I would not disrespect my family or my faith.

    I have been approached by many muslim men to have pre marital relations where as non mulim men have shown me respect & are eager to learn about Islam. The conversations between muslim brothers & myself are very disheartening. This may be one reason why many muslim women want to marry non muslim men although they know it is not permitted.

    We all need to show respect for eacthother so that the overall religion is not blamed for the actions of certain individuals. The world is a cacoon of curiosity, this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your own actions.

    My family have told me that if I find anyone whom I feel is worthy to be my husband then I should tell them. They will guide me to decide what to do thereafter. I have also agreed to meet any proposals they bring me as they have provided for me all my life so I know they will choose someone honourable.

    Basically I have been given so much freedom in my life which has taught me to respect my values & beliefs aswell as those of others. My one & only question is when will the world end as from has been said in the Quran compared to the worlds reality everything is happening now.

  64. tara Says:

    sorry for the mistype

  65. sad_girl Says:

    Salaam,

    I didnt know so many girls had the same problem I do. I love and want to marry my christian boyfriend and have talked to him many times about him converting to islam, because if he doesnt, we cant get married. I dont practice Islam as much as i would like but i am educating myself every day. I pray to Allah(swt) to give me giudance but sometimes I feel like He’s not going to answer my prayers or i feel like im asking for something from Allah that He wont give. I cant live without my boyfriend and ive been with him for about 5 years. i dont know what to do.. I dont want to lose my Islam nor do i want to lose and disgrace my family, but just thinking about never seeing my boyfriend again makes my sad and want to cry and depresses me. Ive tried to stay away from him and for the enntire week i was without him, i cried all day and moped around and i didnt even go to school or work. I dont want to push him away by talking about islam all the time. Ive bought him islam books and DVD’s for him to watch. please give me some advice. i really dont know what to do. Also, how do i ask Allah for forgiveness from doing things with my boyfriend that is unlawful. I was young and had no regard. now the older i get the miore gulity i feel. I feel like Allah might not forgive me for what i have done. please help. May Allah bless you for all your help

  66. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Walaikum as salam,

    Allah(swt) says that every sin is forgivable. Even shirk is forgivable provided you sincerely repent in this life. Hence any sin that you brought upon yourself is forgivable if you sincerely repent in your life time. Once you abstain from committing such a sin anymore, Allah(swt) will forgive you for your past mistakes.

    Allah(swt) is far more forgiving than any of us can be and thus judging Allah(swt) by our limited standards at times we feel that we might not be forgiven for our sins. However all you need to do is repent sincerely and you are forgiven.

    You are in a position where you have to choose one out of the two choices. At one hand you have your boyfriend and on the other you have your Creator Allah(swt). If you choose your boyfriend you will end up being a sinner and you will bring disgrace to your family. If you choose Allah(swt) then He will reward you immensely and will award you in this world with a spouse who will be best for you. He(swt) will also reward you in the Hereafter for sticking to His path.

    During the time of Prophet Muhammad(saw) many people left their loved ones to be on the way of Allah(swt). They loved Allah(swt) more than anything. Even the messengers(pbut) of the past left their loved ones to be on the path of Allah(swt). Prophet Nuh(as) had to leave his wife as she did not accept Islam.

    A Muslim has to make sacrifices in this life because to us this life is insignificant and temporary. Even if you do marry this Christian boyfriend how many years will you be with him before death (which is inevitable) seperates you from him? 30 years? 40? 50? 60? What if he dies a couple of days after marriage? Then what? What about the time after that? What about the time when you will be standing in front of Allah(swt) on the Day of Judgement?

    We are to love Allah(swt) the most and for His sake love anyone else. So our priority lies with loving Allah(swt) and being sincere to Him.

    My adivce to you will be the same as I have advised the other sisters facing the same problem.

    You have already given him the material regarding Islam. All you have to do is tell him that you cannot marry him unless he accepts Islam by heart for the sake of Allah(swt) and not for the sake of marriage. Give him time to make his decision and till he makes his decision cut off all contact with him. Once he decides that he wants to accept Islam then he can send you an email regarding his decision and you can marry him. If he does not accept Islam then you should not think about marrying him.

    Now regarding how to deal with the fact that you will cut off all contacts from him. It will be hard in the beginning. All you have to do is get regular in your Salah and come closer to Allah(swt). Practise Islam more and with that you will overcome your state of depression. Ask Allah(swt) to guide you and choose for you a person who is best for you. InshaAllah Allah(swt) will help you get through tough times and will make things easier for you.

    Always remember that Allah(swt) is there to help you provided you are sincere to help yourself. Make more Muslim friends. Those who are not Muslim just by name but those who are Muslims by deeds and practise Islam to the best of their abilities. Socialize with good Muslim sisters and they all will help make this easier for you. I am assuming you live in the US but I am not sure where in the US you live hence I do not know if you have a masjid near your house or what.

    To make this short and not lengthy so that you do not go to sleep while reading this, in the end I would say that never think that Allah(swt) will never forgive you. All you need to do is ask for forgiveness sincerely and start to incorporate Islam in your life. So just ask for forgiveness for your past sins regardless how big or little they were. Allah(swt) will forgive you. And seek help and guidance from Him and InshaAllah He will bless you with a spouse that is best for you.

    Wa alaykum as salam.

  67. sad_girl Says:

    Salam,

    thank you for your reply..i have taken your advice and have cut off all contact with him. Its been 3 days since then and Ive been really depressed. I cry all day and miss him like im losing my mind. I have been pryaing to Allah to give me either strength to move on or to put Islam is my ex’s heart so i can be with him. I dont know what to do. I am so lost and confused and I feel like calling him and being with him, but i know that is bad for me and my hereafter. I am trying to be strong just dont know how. Can you give me some more advice or maybe a prayer thats there specifically for my situation that Allah will help me in. Thanks for all your advice and time.

    Sad_girl

  68. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Wa alaykum as salam,

    Allah(swt) will reward you InshaAllah for being determined to be on the right path sister. I can understand that it is a hard time for you and Satan will try to tempt you to resume all contact with the person. This will be a battle that you will have to fight and InshaAllah you will be victorious. Always remember that this world is immaterial.

    Here are some things which you can do and InshaAllah your pain will be lessened.

    In a hadith reported in Nasai it is recorded that the Prophet(saw) said that he finds relief and rest in prayers. Hence remain in prostration and praise Allah(swt), ask for forgiveness for your sins and ask him to bring relief to you and give you the strength to be on the right path.

    The Quran says:

    Without doubt in the remembrance (Zikr) of Allah do hearts find tranquility. – [13:28]

    Zikr means either to make dua or the tasbeeh or even prayers like nafl prayers. Do any or all of these.

    Below is something you can recite for relief of sorrow and pain.

    In Mushkawat Bab-al-da’wat Fil-Awqaat Fasl 2, it is reported from Abu Sa’eed Khudri (ra) that one person was indebted and the Prophet(saw) said “I will teach you that by which Allah will remove your grief and sorrow and also pay off your debt” Recite the dua in the morning and evening:

    “Allahuma Inni a’uzu bika min al Hummi wa al huzni wa Auzu bika min al Ajaz wa al kasal wa auzu bika min al bukhl wa Al jubn wa auzu bika min ghalabat Addeen wa qahr Arreejaal”

    Meaning: “O Allah, I take refuge in you from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men.”

    To be recited after the Fajr and Maghrib prayer.

    Also recite:

    “Hasbi Allahu La ila ha illa hua a’layhi tawakkaltu wa hua Rabbul A’rshil A’zeem”

    Meaning: Allah is sufficient for me. There is no God but He. I have placed my trust in Him and He is Lord of the Exalted Throne.

    This D’ua is mentioned in Abu Dawood, Hadith # 5081, that whoever recites this dua in the morning and evening, 7 times with sincerity or not, Allah(swt) will bring ease in his worry, anxiety and hardships. [Rough English Translation of hadith]

    In Jila’ al Feham, 359, it is mentioned on the authority of Hazrat Jabar (ra) that the prophet (saw) said: “Whoever recites after the fajr and maghrib salah 100 times Durood then Allah (swt) will fulfill 100 of his/her needs – 30 in this world and 70 in the Hereafter. To be recited: “Allahuma Salli Ala Muhammad”

    I have given you D’ua from the Hadith as they are the most effective and recommended by the Prophet(saw) himself. I just had to give rough english translation of the hadith as some of the hadith are not available in then english language.

    Here are some invocations for curing depression and anxiety:

    From Tirmidhi:
    “La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minal zalimeen”

    Meaning: There is no God but You. How perfect You are. Indeed I was of the wrong-doers.

    From Ibn Maja:
    “Allahu Allahu Rabbi la shariku bihi shaiyan”

    Meaning: Allah, Allah is my Lord. I do not associate anything with Him.

    From Bukhari:
    “La ilaha illalahul a’zeemul haleemu la ilaha illalahu rabbil a’rshil a’zeem la ilaha illalahu rabbus-samawati wa rabbul arzi wa rabbul a’rshil kareem”

    Meaning: There is no God but Allah, The Exalted, The Forbearing. There is no God but Allah, Lord of the Supreme Throne. There is no God but Allah, Lord of the Heavens, Lord of the Earth and Lord of the Noble Throne.

    These duas are from the books of hadith recommended by the Prophet(saw) and thus the most effective. Also do remember that for us to make dua to Allah(swt) is one thing but we also have to cleanse our hearts by coming closer to Allah(swt). And we can only come closer to Allah(swt) by adhering to His commandments. When we will start to fill our hearts with the love of Allah(swt) then our hearts will start to push out the darkness and the diseases of the world.

    Do read this article: Why Are Our Prayers Unanswered?

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/why-are-our-prayers-not-answered/

    If you have any other queries on this or whatever other topic you want to discuss then feel free to do so InshaAllah.

    InshaAllah I will pray for you that may Allah(swt) ease your difficulty, sorrow, depression and pain. May Allah(swt) help you make yourself one of the righteous who will enter Janatul firdaus. Ameen.

    Always remember the following:

    No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. – [2:233]

    Without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction – [13:28]

    So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief – [94:5]

    Do take care of yourself and others around you.

  69. sad_girl Says:

    Salam,

    Thank you so very much. I will pray for you because you are helping so many young people become better muslims. I have felt the push of Satan making me miss him and want to contact him. I fell a few times for that trap but Insh’allah I will not any longer. I willl stay steadfast in my prayers and repeat the prayers you have given me. Also, I have one other problem. It is a problem that I face with my own heart and soul. I feel that sometimes even when I pray and try to become a good muslim, theres always this lingering voice or thougt in my head that basically tells me that all this praying i am doing i am just doing the act of it and its not truly coming from my heart. I really do want to be a better muslim and i truly believe in Islam, then why do I have these doubts about myself or my faith…I dont know what I am feeling. i was raised in a good Islamic family and I myself do not want to stray from the right path. I feel like a hippocrite sometimes praying and doing my salah and then thinking afterwards that if what i just did was fake or not me…I do not want to feel this way..is this all of Satan’s doings? in the koran, when it mentions Allah does not like hippocrites, what does He mean by that?

    sad_girl

  70. sad_girl Says:

    salam,

    also…what does this exactly mean?

    Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds.

  71. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Walaikum as salam Sister,

    Firstly JazakAllah for your kind comments but I am hardly helping anyone. Everyone is helping themselves and Allah(swt) is helping them for the step which they have decided to take.

    Secondly what you are going through regarding you feeling that its all fake, is not something unique. We all go through it at one point or the other. You see when a person starts to come to the right path it really annoys Satan. Now Satan does not want people to go to the right path and it is he who whispers such thoughts in your heart. Just ignore the whispers and continue to worship Allah(swt). Many a times it so happens that Satan tries to distract people while they pray the Salah. These things are very normal and it only shows that you are coming to the right path and thus Satan is whispering such things in your heart so that you leave the true path of Allah(swt). My simple advice is to recite “Auodubillah himinish shaitan-ir-rajeem” and Ayat-ul-kursi whenever such thoughts come to your mind and simply ignore these thoughts. They mean nothing.

    Hypocrites are something like for example if I dont give charity but I tell you to give charity or you will burn in hell then I am being a hypocrite. Such people are disliked by Allah(swt).

    “Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds.”

    This verse means that one should show humility when asking Allah(swt) for something or praying to Him. One should not worship Allah(swt) out in public such as to show off. Like if I would go to the masjid to pray so that the people around me would say “Oh he is such a pious person” then that worship is useless. So one must be humble and must pray to Allah(swt) without the niyah to show off. One should not make a public display asking for something from Allah(swt) while screaming. It should be done quietly in one’s heart or a whisper rather than shouting and asking for something.

    I hope that answers your question.

    Do take care of yourself and others around you.

    Wa alaykum as salam.

  72. sad_girl Says:

    salam,

    i am sorry to bother you like this, but right now i feel as if you are the only one that can give me good and useful advice. I have been trying to stay strong and not become weak and i just cant do it. I want to contact him and see him but i know its best for me not to but i so badly want to see him. (i cant for 2 weeks anyway becasue hes out of the country visiting family) so even if i wanted to contact him, i cant. I feel like i am going crazy. I do all the prayers and ask Allah for strength but it seems to help me for an hour or so but i break down all over again. Now i am in a situation where i cant make a decision, despite my depression ans lonliness, before i cut of all contact with that guy, we had applied at the same job together and we both got hired. I turned down the job at $19 per hour and he want sure if he wanted the job. I started to think that maybe i did want to work there after all, i went back to the manager and he said thet he will re-hire me at $16 per hour. I make more than that right now at my current job, but my current job is all commission and is really stressful. i want to to start a new job so i can start fresh and move on, but the thing is, im not sure if my ex-partner will be working there or not. i dont know if i should accept the job or not. i really want to becasue its not much stress and i will at least maybe see him once in a whil if he accepts the job offer, whcih i dont know if he will or wont. i have dont the prayer i belive is called isthikra to make a decsion but i still dont know what to do. I miss him alot and am going crazy, prayers dont seem to help, and now i have this other dilema about the job thats an extra stressor. does all this make sense? i hope i am not a burden on you or your time. may Allah bless you and you are in my prayers.
    thank you

  73. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Walaikum as salam

    First and foremost – No you are not a burden on me or my time. So please do not hesitate because of formalities and feel free to discuss anything.

    The step which you have taken to move away from this person is a step towards the right path and it will not be easy. You will be tempted a lot at first. With time when Satan will see that you are not going to listen to him, you will notice that he will stop.

    During the time of the Prophet(saw) when the people were newly converting to Islam they had to leave a lot of things behind. It was one of the hardest times on them. They had no food no nothing. They lost their parents and many loved ones yet they did not give up Islam and stick to it closely with all their heart.

    You have taken a similar step and whenever you get depressed do more and more dhikr of Allah and it will help you InshaAllah. Say the du’as which I have mentioned in the above post and be patient. Allah(swt) loves those who are patient. It will be hard. I will never say it is an easy thing to do. But this is your jihad sister and you will come out victorious.

    Its good that you prayed the Istikhara Salah. Even during the times where you cannot pray the Salah just recite the du’a-e-istikhara. There are many people fighting the same battle that you are fighting right now. If you would read the comments above by other sisters you would see that they all are in a similar battle. The bottom line is whether you want to come out victorious or whether you want to lose.

    Regarding your job. If you fear that being in the same place as your ex would drive you away from the path of Allah then I would not advise you to take that job. And knowing that you are right now vulnerable I would advise you to stay away from it.

    So if there are chances that he could be there and that would tempt you away from the right path then refuse the job offer. InshaAllah Allah(swt) will open more doors for you and you will get a much better job.

    Do feel free to discuss this further InshaAllah.

  74. Ambreen Soomro Says:

    Asslam Ailakum,
    I am not sure if this is the right place to ask a question but since I have tried on several islamic website without any response so I am going to hope to get an answer here. I am 34 years old. I am strong believer not very much of practicing in islam but try to practice more every day. 2 years ago , I got this proposal of marriage through my family. The guy was living in the USA and I was in Pakistan. I was allowed to talk to him on the phone and email. He told me he is very americanized and not a practicing muslim. He also told me that he is not attracted to woman but would marry me and support me untill I stand on my feet then I will have to be on my own.
    I accepted the proposal because I was passing the age and was not getting proposals in Pakistan. I was under the impression that he will never touch me or he is not able to make love to woman. But he was just fine and he maintained sexual relationship that is required in an islamic marraige. But after a few months he started saying that I should start getting career and be independent and he will no longer with me soon.
    We were married by an Imam and Nikah was performed. We also married in USA court to get me legal papers.
    Under these circumstances, was our married ligitimate in Islam ?
    He sometimes consume alcohal and I suspect that he might be unfaithful with me by having sex with guys. He wants me to get divorce and marry someone else. Due to bad name to divorced woman I am trying to not get divorce.
    Please help me decide the validity of our marriage and should I get divorce.
    Thanks

    Ambreen

  75. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Ambreen

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam,

    Your marriage is valid regardless of what reasons it were for which you married that person. If one spouse cheats on the other that does not invalidate the marriage. It only makes the person cheating very sinful. The Nikah took place and consummation of the marriage took place. There is nothing in your marriage that can be kept in view to declare it invalid.

    People marry for many reasons but those reasons do not invalidate the marriage. The marriage itself remains legal even if the reason for which one is marrying is not highly islamic in nature.

    Divorce is something which has been declared halal by Islam. But although it is halal, out of all those things that are halal divorce is most disliked by Allah (swt). When a marriage fails and there is no way to make it work then one or both parties involved decide to opt for divorce.

    Your husband had made his position clear regarding you and had already informed you that he will keep you as his wife only till you can stand on your own feet. You accepted that out of your own free will. Hence if he wants to divorce you now it would be better if you do not take any legal action against him. Stating that I would also stress on the fact that one should try to work out a marriage. If you think you can convince him not to go through the divorce then that would be best for you both provided he keeps you as his wife out of his own freewill. If however he does not then keeping in mind him informing you about this before marriage and you accepting the proposal with this condition, I would not hold him responsible.

    So in short, your marriage is valid. If you can then try to work the marriage out. If he is not convinced and still divorces you then accept it and try to move on Insha’allah

    And Allah (swt) knows best.

    Wassalam

  76. Kausar Says:

    Salam ailakum,
    I married a muslim who was not practicing muslim. But still believer. Within 2 years of marriage he started talking about his doubts in islam and finally he said he is no longer a muslim.
    I am a woman and I don’t have anywhere else to go. Our Muslim/Pakistani society doesn’t consider divorced woman as good. I need to know wether our Nikaah is still valid. I know that muslims can marry christian and jews within certain restrictions but when someone says he is not muslim (Not christian or jew either)I would think he become an infidel. Does that abolish the Nikkaah ? or nikaah continues untill he divorces ?

    Please answer my question. I don’t want to live a sinful life with him if the nikaah is abolished. P.S we also married by US law .

  77. phenysha Says:

    i am a little baby gal from maldives. v=can ay body help me? will u give me a proof from quran that no muslim womwn marry cristian. can u plx mail me with proof of that in quran? plx tell me the aayah that say no muslim marry cristian.. my mail ad is { beauty_7875@hotmail.com) i hope u will mail me

  78. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Kausar

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    From what you have told me I understand that your husband has apostatized from Islam. A Muslim woman cannot marry a non Muslim even if that person is a Christian or a Jew. That permissibility is only present for the Muslim males. Hence even if he declares to be a Christian or a Jew the ruling would be the same as it would be in the case of him declaring to be an Atheist or a Hindu.

    Leaving Islam does not annul the nikkah instantaneously. In your situation it is completely forbidden for you to have any physical relationship with him. What you have to do is to give him da’wah to come towards Islam and accept it. If he accepts it then alhamdulillah you can continue your marriage with him including the physical relationship between a husband and a wife. If however he does not accept it after a period of time then you will have to seek divorce from him. In the period that you give da’wah to him or get an imam to speak with him, you should cut off any physical relationship with him and make it clear to him that as a Muslim you cannot stay married to a non Muslim. Thus give him some time to decide whether he wants to accept Islam again or whether he wishes to reject it. Once his final decision is made then you can act accordingly.

    For da’wah try to get someone to answer his objections to Islam. Ask him what problem he has with Islam and why he wishes to leave it. Then either you can speak to him regarding those or get someone (e.g. an imam of a nearby masjid) to speak with him and discuss these issues. Insha’allah once these issues are explained to him he will accept Islam.

    Hope that answers your question. Feel free to discuss this further.

  79. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Phenysha

    As salamu ‘alaykum

    This whole article talks about the marriage of a Muslim woman to a non Muslim man yet you ask for more evidence only from the Quran. Insha’allah more evidence will be provided to you.

    “O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them…” – [Quran 60:10]

    There is a clear directive in this verse that a Muslim woman is not lawful for a non Muslim hence any marriage between the two cannot take place.

    Another command in the Quran is found in the following verse:

    “…And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe…” – [Quran 2:221]

    Further there is ginormous evidence for this in the hadith as well but as you asked for only the Quran hence I have given evidence only from the Quran.

    Hope that answers your question.

    P.S: I do not write personal emails hence I have replied to your question here.

  80. curiousfortruth Says:

    I have a question. Here are 6 translations of 2:221 from the Quran. All of these translations but one state that a believing woman should not marry someone who commits idol worship or sets up a partner with God. (When I say “all but one” I’m just implying that they all use the term “idoltrous or set up partners” to describe the non-believer.) This is the command that God gives in the Quran. My question is that if a Christian believes in ONE God and does not worship anyone but GOD ALONE, shouldn’t it be ok to marry him? No where in this verse that is used by most scholars as far as the issue of Muslim women marrying Christian men does it say “Do not marry someone who does not believe in the Prophet Muhammad” (Please correct me if I am wrong). I am not in anyway trying to disrespect the Prophet or Islam for I believe I am a good, practicing Muslim. Also, isn’t the person whom we are to marry already determined for us by God? What if it is God’s plan for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian man? How could we stop that? Whatever God wants to happen will happen no matter what anyone says. We don’t know what God thinks or what he has planned for each of us.

    Khalifa

    Nor shall you give your daughters in marriage to IDOLATROUS men, unless they believe. A believing man is better than an idolater, even if you like him.

    Yusuf Ali
    Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe

    Pickthal
    Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to IDOLATERS till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you.

    Shakir
    …and do not give (believing women) in marriage to IDOLATERS until they believe, and certainly a

    Sher Ali

    And give not believing women in marriage to IDOLATERS until they believe; even a believing slave is better than an idolater, although he may please you.

    “Progressive Muslims”
    And do not marry the males who SET-UP PARTNERS until they believe. For a believing servant is better than one who sets up partners even if he attracts you.

    Here’s the link where I got the translations.

    http://www.submission.org/quran/webqt.php

  81. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ curiousfortruth

    As salamu’alaykum

    First I would advise you to read about the website which you have quoted brother. Kindly view the video at the following link:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2007/04/04/rashad-khalifa-submissiondotorg/

    Secondly there is another verse in the Quran which I have quoted in the post above yours:

    “O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them…” – [Quran 60:10]

    Besides there are a lot of hadith for evidence regarding this.

    Wa’alaykum as salam

  82. curiousfortruth Says:

    Salam,

    I would like to respond to your answer. Regardless of the website where these translations came from, four of the six (excluding the Khalifa and progressive muslims translations which i believe you would not agree with) still say that you should not marry your daughters to those who “idol worship” or are idolatrous men. That’s the point I was trying to make. Also, the second part of my question was never answered. Doesn’t God already have a plan set for us as to when we are born, who we will marry, when we will die and so on? What if it is God’s plan for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian or Jewish man or any man for that matter? Isn’t it all “naseeb” as people say? We can’t change what God may or may not have planned for us. It’s up to no one to judge but God alone.

    I know you will disagree with me but I believe that in this day and age, things have changed considerably from the way they were 1400 years ago and if a Christian or Jewish man believes in the Oneness of God and that worship belongs to God alone, then it should be ok for a Muslim woman to marry him. It can’t be said that the reason they cannot marry is because he will force her to convert or he will disrespect her and her beliefs. If he respects her, agrees to raise his kids Muslim and believes in the oneness of God, then I believe that’s ok. If we say that this marriage is not valid in the eyes of God, well then there are a lot of married couples out there (many that I know at least) who know absolutely nothing about the Muslim religion but their marriage is considered “valid” just because they were born “Muslim.” We can’t say that as Muslims we are better than anyone. I believe everyone is equal in God’s eyes. Besides, there is a verse in the Quran (I’m not sure which one it is exactly but I will look it up in my Quran) that says something about there are some People of the Scripture who do believe in the truth and have faith and they will get their reward from God. Thank you for responding so quickly to my first inquiry. Again, I am in no way trying to disrespect my religion or my prophet or anyone else for that matter. I’m just trying to express my opinion.

    PS: Have a blessed Ramadan.

  83. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ curiousfortruth

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    In my response I did not object to any of your interpretation because of the simple fact that there is ample evidence in the Quran and Hadith which supports the fact that Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men. For argument’s sake I accepted your interpretation of 2:221 and gave you another verse from the Quran 60:10.

    However conveniently you completely ignored that verse and yet went on about 2:221. Not only that, you are conveniently ignoring all the Hadith.

    “Naseeb” is predestination and everything in our life is not predestined. This is a classical argument used by an atheist that if everything is predestined then why should man be responsible for the sins he commits. Everything is not predestined and man has been given freewill regarding many matters. So again that argument of yours is grossly flawed.

    Regarding your point about changing Islam you should read the following link:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2006/10/03/can-islam-be-changed/

    This article will basically answer your objections in the second paragraph.

    Ramadan Kareem

  84. amina Says:

    i have one question for u brother. i am currently living with my boyfriend who is a non muslim. i love him with all my heart. but my father says that if i dont come home within the month of ramadan and fast and ask for forgiveness that he will never talk to me. my heart says not to go, but i dont want to lose my family over this either. i agree with what curiousfortruth has to say. All my life i have been tought that whatever happenes in your life was already planned by god from the moment you were born. what do you think i should do.

  85. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Amina

    As salamu’alaykum

    Everything is not predestined – only certain things are. There are many things where we are given a free choice. For a moment even if we take your understanding of it and say that everything is predestined then that violates the islamic principle of free will. Why would God send Messengers (pbut) to the people? For what reason? Why give them any guidance when everything is also destined?

    One more concept it would contradict would be the fact that Allah (swt) tests us. Read the following article which would prove that Allah (swt) does test the humans:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2007/05/12/tests-from-allahswt/

    Now my question to you. If everything is predestined then how does the concept of testing fits in place? If I am to drink alcohol then whether its in front of me or not, I will drink it. So how can anyone test me by putting it in front of me?

    Every matter is not predestined. You were tested with your situation and you have failed your test. The only option you have is to get out of your situation, seek forgiveness and sincerely repent and promise never to return to this path again.

    You have violated many laws of Allah (swt). You are in a illegitimate relationship with someone. You are living with that person. Even if he was a Muslim still these two would have been a violation of Allah’s (swt) laws. So right now him being a Muslim or a non Muslim is a secondary issue. Having a boyfriend and living with a na mahram is sinful regardless of the person being a Muslim or a non Muslim.

    You should listen to what your father is saying. Go back home, start fasting and seek sincere repentence. You father can only advise you and thats what I can do. The question is, are you willing to make sacrifices to come on the right path or will you go after the wordly goods and reject Allah (swt) who is your Creator?

    That question is for you to think upon and answer to yourself. Read the comments of the sisters above and see what choice they have made while being in a similar situation as yours.

    Take care

    Wassalam.

  86. hopeful Says:

    I feel for all muslims here who are struggling with their interfaith relationships. I know it must be hard.GOD will guide you. I have done the salat -I -Istikhara as suggested and hope very much that it helps me. My situation is slightly different. I am in love with a Muslim man however, his faith has been shaky his whole life. He didn’t believe in GOD, then for years he did, and now he doesn’t again. I think like most of us, he has doubts. Anyway, we are planning to be married because we love each other alot, but I am feeling very guilty about marrying someone who although was born and raised a muslim, has doubts about GOD. I know the obvious answer would be to wait and see if he starts believing again, but it’s been 2 years now and he still doesn’t believe. I don’t know what to do as I am tormented. Please if anyone has any advice, please help.

  87. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Hopeful

    As salamu ‘alaykum,

    Although your situation is a bit different, the same rules would apply to it. Let’s say that you get married to him while his beliefs are shaky. Down the road, a year later or two years later, he apostatizes from Islam. Now he would be a non-Muslim and that would put you in a position where you can give him some time to rethink about his beliefs and if after that time he declares that he rejects Islam, it will be obligatory on you to divorce him. On the other hand it could also happen that his beliefs over time get strengthened.

    In my opinion this is a gamble. So my opinion to you would be to get him to meet up with some imam or any other knowledgeable person with whom he could talk about his problems with Islam. The imam would answer his questions and guide him through. If after the guidance he rejects Islam then do not marry him. If his belief strengthens then marry him. And if after the guidance his beliefs are still shaky then in my opinion it is better not to marry him because if you do and later he rejects Islam, it will put you in a difficult position emotionally.

    If you have already tried to get an imam or any other knowledgeable person answer his questions about Islam in these two years then you should know the possible outcomes of this after marriage like I have stated in the first paragraph of this reply.

    Lastly I would just like to stress upon the fact that Islam encourages one to marry another for their piety. This does not mean that you marry someone pious whom you are not even attracted to. But your priorities should be not as such where physical attraction would supercede piety to an extent where one marries regardless of how unpious the other is.

    Make your decisions wisely and keep the future in mind.

    Wassalam.

  88. curiousfortruth Says:

    Salam,

    I’m sorry to keep posting replys and questions but I find that on this site, it is the only place I get answers to questions and where I can state my beliefs.

    I did not mean to intentionally ignore the other verse which you mentioned about the prohibition of marriage between a muslim woman and non-muslim woman. But I’d like to ask a question and then explain my situation. I know that not everything in life is predetermined and I do know that God gives us free will to make choices. However, I was always taught that certain things such as when you are born, when you will die, who you will marry, how many (if any) kids you will have and so on and so forth are pre-determined. How do we know then what things are predetermined for us and what aren’t? Also, many people beleive that because the Quran explicity gives permission to men to marry from People of the Book and does not mention anything for women, then it must be prohibited. However since it does not explicitly prohibit marriage to People of the Book for Muslim women, isn’t it considered more as “makruh” or disapproved of rather than making it 100% unlawful? The Quran is more directed towards men than women and that’s one argument that some scholars make. What’s your opinion on this?

    I’d like to explain my situation to everyone and hopefully get some advice. About two years ago, I met this Christian guy in a class of mine. From the day I met him, I felt like there was something special and different about him. At the time I was in a relationship with a Muslim guy but even then, I still felt something towards this guy in my class. After the class ended, I didn’t see him for months as we both took different courses and had different work schedules. I saw him again after about 8 or 9 months when we had another course together. We talked a little in class but there was never anything more than a friendship between us. On new years eve, I asked God if he would send me the man I’m supposed to be with in the new year and I asked for a specific sign from God if this was going to happen. As it turns out, I got my sign. Then again during Ashura, I was at a lecture and at one point when the audience was reciting after the speaker, the speaker told everyone to pray to God and said that during the recitation, if you prayed for something, God would grant your wish. I prayed again that God would send me the man I’m supposed to be with. My Christian friend entered my life at this point as more than just a friend and we became serious about each other. To make a long story short, I have asked God several times for specific signs as to whether this guy is the one I’m supposed to be with and I have to say that 95% of the time, I’ve gotten my signs. I know this sounds crazy and maybe all of this stuff ( or at least some of it) could be just a coincidence but it’s happened too many times for me not to believe that he’s the one for me. This is why I feel that even though he is Christian, he is the one for me sent by God. Would God intentionally lead me on the wrong path after I’ve prayed that he keep me on the right one? Would I keep receiving these signs that this guy is the one if he weren’t? I’ve prayed so many times that God keep me with him and not let me go astray and everytime I’ve asked for some sort of sign if this Christian guy is my “naseeb,” I almost always seem to get my answer. May God guide us all on the right path.

    Wasalam

    PS: If any sisiters wish to talk more about our interfaith relationships, feel free to email me at curiousfortruth@yahoo.com. I’m sure we could help each other out in these situations.

  89. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ curiousfortruth

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    Ok there are many misconceptions which you have faced. Firstly let me clarify you misconception that there is no clear command in the Quran. I had clarified this earlier yet you for some reason are overlooking it. Maybe because you want to believe that interfaith marriage for the woman is permissible. However regardless of how much you want to believe that it is, the bottom line is that it is not. Here I repeat the verse from the Quran:

    “O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them..” – [Quran 60:10]

    This time maybe you will not try to overlook it and realize that any such marriage is haram – period.

    Secondly if you were always taught something wrong that does not mean it is right. Whats predetermined or not is in the Islamic sources. Try to tap them for a change rather than just rely on what you were ‘taught’. There are many times when people are tested in many different areas. You were tested by rejecting your worldy desires after a man but you failed and programmed yourself to believe that he was sent from Allah (swt). What is unlawful is only as a test and then Satan whispers in your heart that it is lawful. This is exactly what happened to you.

    A dua for something that is haram cannot be made so the entire fact that you made the du’a for something haram means that it was not a legitimate du’a to be fulfilled. We cannot ask for that which is forbidden in Islam. Hence for starters we should know that what we are asking for should be halal according to the Islamic Shariah.

    Now just look at the sinful nature that you were practising. You were in a haram relationship with a Muslim. Then you started to like someone else and prayed to God to give you the Christian person so he can be your boyfriend. You come from a sinful train of activities and you ask for more sinfulness and then you think that God made it happen?! Thats like me saying that I prayed to God that I wouldn’t get caught for robbing a person and when I wouldnt get caught I would say ‘robbing is halal’ or that I cannot be punished in the Hereafter for that. Come on!

    And where is this speaker getting his evidence that during the recitation of something if one prays for anything halal or haram then it will be fulfilled. Who is this speaker?!

    95% of the times you received your signs but how do you know they were legitimate signs? How can you overrule the fact that you misinterpreted it to be legitimate signs because you wanted to acheive something so bad? Seriously how? How can you overrule the fact that maybe Satan whispered to you that this is a sign when in reality it was not? I know of people where they have grossly misinterpreted such “signs”.

    God does not mislead anyone but when you pray for something that is already haram then you are misleading yourself. What you need to do is study about Islam and know the halal and haram and then lead your life according to it. It is clear to me that you do not know the halal and haram and never did even before you saw the Christian guy otherwise you wouldnt have been in a relationship with another Muslim guy.

    Life is not a joke so stop treating it like one. You can try hard to find loopholes to your situation but the bottom line is that there arent any. You think your knowledge about Islam is more than enough to refute over 1400 years of scholarship?? What is the source of your knowledge regarding Islam? Random websites with deviant authors?

    I will give you serious advice over here sister because I am worried about the position that you have put yourself in. First and foremost establish Salah if you already havent. Secondly seek forgiveness with sincere repentance for all of your past sins and make a promise with Allah (swt) that you will stay on His path to the best of your abilities. Then ask Allah (swt) to help you stay on the right path. After that make lots of du’a and do Salat-e-Istikhara. Insha’allah things will start to work fine with you.

    Let me also give you another solution to your problem. Get an imam to give da’wah to this Christian person. During this time you have to cut off all ties with him because any such ties with a na-mahram is haram. Give him some time to reach a decision. Tell him to email you or something once he makes his final decision. If he accepts Islam then you can marry him. If he does not then according to the Islamic Shariah it is absolutely haram to marry him and you cannot do that.

    Wassalam

    PS: I dont think it appropriate for you even try to help any Muslim sister in an interfaith situation when you yourself are deliberately trying to ignore the Islamic Shariah. Normally I would have deleted that post of yours but because you went through the trouble of writing such a huge one I am leaving it there. But my advice is dont try to help someone when you are not even sure of what Islam teaches.

    Note: I apologize if my words seemed harsh in this post.

  90. curiousfortruth Says:

    Salam,

    I have NO PROBLEM with you deleting my posts if you wish and I didn’t intend to post anymore but I wanted to defend myself because you have made some unjust and unfair assumptions about me without even knowing me. After you read this, you can delete whatever you want.

    FIRST OF ALL, when I said that I was in a relationship with a Muslim guy, who are you to tell me that my relationship was haram without so much as asking me about it. Yes, I was in a relationship with a Muslim but did you even ask me as to what kind of relationship it was; you did not. I don’t have to explain myself to you but in my defense I will say that the relationship was halal. I was “talking” to this guy with the intention of marriage just Muslims do. My parents and his parents were both aware of this and we would get together at his house or mine to talk and get to know each other with our families around us. You have absolutely no right to judge me without knowing the facts and tell me that I am practicing a sinful nature.

    SECONDLY, when I said that I felt something towards this Christian guy, it does NOT in any way mean that I pursued him or anything like that. I will admit that I had a small crush on him but we were NOTHING more than friends and that was how things were and still are. DO NOT tell me that I came from a train of sinful activities. That just goes to show how quickly you assume things and judge without knowing the facts. And who are you to be making remarks about the speaker that I went and listened to? Why not ask politely who it was rather than making crazy assumptions again without knowing the facts.

    THRIDLY, when I said I prayed to God, you assume that I prayed to him to send me this specific Christian guy or make him my boyfriend. You obviously did not understand AT ALL what I wrote. When I said I prayed to God, I asked God to send me “the guy I’m supposed to be with” no matter who this guy is. I DID NOT specifically ask for him to send me this Christian guy. It was only AFTER all of the prayers I did to God that this guy entered my life in the sense that we began liking each other as more than friends. Even then, you can’t judge me and tell me that I’m a sinful person. Just because I have feelings for him does not imply that I am doing anything wrong but you would be quick to assume that from what I’ve seen. Why would I do such a thing? Do you think I’m completely stupid? Why would I try to create drama for myself? Do you think I like being in the situation I’m in? I know the difference between right and wrong and you have no right to judge me and make all of these negative assumptions about me. In the end, God is the only one whose judgment matters to me.

    You may delete all of my posts now that you have read this. I will no longer post on your website as I find it useless considering assumptions about me and maybe others are made so quickly without looking to facts. In order to give advice, I believe a person has to be somewhat open-minded, sensitive and considerate of other which I don’t believe you are. You are entitled to your own opinion and I have mine and I will leave it at that.

    Wasalam

  91. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ curiousfortruth

    Firstly I stated that I would have deleted your “advertisement” to help others when you do not even know what Islam teaches. And I did not delete it because of the whole story that you wrote. So kindly learn to comprehend what one says.

    Secondly talking to a person to get to know him is not called ‘being in a relationship’. This is what you had stated: “At the time I was in a relationship with a Muslim guy”. So learn to express the reality of the situation in words before you pounce on others for having misinterpreted you.

    Thirdly I am not judging you as that is not even my job but if someone comes and tells me that he has killed another person for mere joy, I have to Book of Allah (swt) to know that he is sinful. In such a case me calling him sinful is not negative judging. If that would have been the case there would have been no courts and no law.

    Fourthly even if you prayed to Allah (swt) to send you the person you are to be with all of my points still stand valid which I will repeat here. 95% of the times you received your signs but how do you know they were legitimate signs? How can you overrule the fact that you misinterpreted it to be legitimate signs because you wanted to acheive something so bad? Seriously how? How can you overrule the fact that maybe Satan whispered to you that this is a sign when in reality it was not? I know of people where they have grossly misinterpreted such “signs”. When you asked Allah (swt) then get someone to give the person da’wah to accept Islam. If he does then he is halal for you otherwise he is not. And if he does not accept Islam then know that you grossly misinterpreted the “signs” and wait till Allah (swt) sends someone your way. Also know that it is not necessary for every du’a to come true.

    Fifthly, as far as Islam is concerned how can you expect one to be “open-minded”. What in the world is an “open-minded” Muslim? Its either you are a Muslim, a very sinful Muslim or a non-Muslim. There is no open-minded, close-minded Muslim. The ruling on this matter is clear and I have given you evidence for it. Now if you want to accept it Alhamdulillah. If you want to reject it then Alhamdulillah. I am not responsible for your deeds and you are not for mine. We are all answerable according to what we do. Its not a matter of “opinion” and you or I are in no position to have “opinions” regarding matters where the ruling is crystal clear. Neither you nor I have the knowledge to do ijtihad. Even if you did, you couldnt in this matter as the ruling is clear from the Quran and no ijtihad can be done on that.

    So try to learn about Islam and get closer to Islam and do not act on impulses or desires of the heart. But if you still want to act on desires then sure go ahead. You are responsible for what you do. I have done my part.

    Wassalam

  92. Kevin Says:

    Hello, thanks for listening.

    A little about myself, I don’t drink, don’t do drugs, never hit anyone before, and do volunteer work. I am told that I am very kind, I try to be the best father I can be to my children and I’m told by teachers and family and friends that I am a wonderful father.
    But I am not religious, does this mean I am a bad person. Are only good people the kind that follows God? I don’t understand.

    Here is my dilemma; I fell in love with a Muslim woman. Words can’t express the way I feel about her. We have been seeing each other for some time now. I knew she was Muslim and that didn’t change the way I felt for her. She said that there is nothing she would change about me. I have been completely honest with the way I feel about religion. The other day, I talked about us possibly moving in together in the future. Her reply was that she would have to be married first. I am ok with that, but then she said that in order to be married I would have to be a Muslim.
    To add she is a wonderful woman, even if she was not Muslim she would still be kind, beautiful (inside and out) and a wonderful mother.
    How come if two good hearted people fall in love and are very happy together, they can’t be together according to the Muslim belief? I would have no problems with her practicing her religion and sharing it with our children if we were to have some. And marriage is supposed to be a partnership, both equal in making it work. It seems the woman is made out to be the lesser of the two.
    The more I read about religion, the more it turns me away. For example, I would put my children before myself or God. In religion aren’t we all children of God don’t, he put us before him.
    I honestly believe that this issue that a Muslim woman can’t marry a non- Muslim man is for the main reason of keeping the religion alive and to keep as many believers’ as possible. But to say you have to deny happiness for a sentence that was written a thousand years ago don’t seem right to me. Is that what God wants is for Him to be happy and we follow what he says. I sure am not happy about this. This is unfair, un kind and family is the building blocks of life. So in order for me to be happy I have to be a slave in your family.

    Thanks.

  93. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Kevin

    Greetings brother,

    Hope this finds you in the best of health.

    Firstly allow me to clarify the Islamic concept. We are not ‘children’ of God. We are only one of His numerous creations. Being ‘children’ of God is more of a biblical concept. Secondly Islam recognizes the good people from the ones who are non-Muslims and they too are promised their reward in this world for their goodness from God.

    What you are doing is looking at a specific situation i.e. yourself. Islam is not for one or two people but for entire Mankind. So many of its laws are based to protect and secure the majority. You might be a really good person and a very honest person as well. But people like you are rare. Islam wishes to secure the Muslim women by large and thus such rare cases cannot be used to justify and put majority of women in harm’s way.

    The Muslim woman actually put you in this position that you are today. If she had practised Islam then she would have not been with you. If she wouldnt have started it from her side it would have ended there and then and today you would not be facing this difficulty. I really do understand where you are coming from but to say that just because of these rare cases Islam should make something legal and put the majority at risk is not fair.

    Islam is a religion till the end of time. It is the only religion by God which is not time-bound. Its laws are final and to remain the way till the end of time. Whether it is 1400 years after the revelation or 14 million years, the Word of God cannot be changed by man. We are slaves only to God and not to anyone’s family. I would actually not even recommend, and neither should any Muslim man or woman, that you accept Islam for the sake of marriage because that would be of no use. One should accept Islam only for the sake of God and that is it.

    My advice to you would be to read about Islam and read the Quran. If it makes sense then accept it. If it does not then dont. We cannot force someone to accept Islam.

    I hope that answers your concern.

  94. sad_girl Says:

    Salam,

    I know I have written to you before and you have given me some great advice. I dont know if you remember my story but i followed your advice and stayed away from my boyfriend for 2 weeks. Those 2 weeks were the hardest weeks of my life..I couldnt even eat or even talk to my mom about normal things. I wasnt myself. Anyway, after not being with him for that long, I decided it wasnt healthy for me to be in the depressed state that I was (even my grades were dropping). So we decided to get back together about a month ago and now we both feel like its not going to work out in the long run. I dont want to lose my family and he doesnt want to convert to Islam. We are soooo happy with each other. Ive never felt or known anyone this happy. After being with him for about 5 years, we bot feel that our future wont be happy, especially mine becasue I have to give up so much to be with him like my family. I dont know what to do. I dont want to be without him again. Ive prayed and prayed and prayed. I feel very lost and alone and confused. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I am at the end of the road……..bottom line, I am NOT HAPPY without him. He makes me ridiculously happy…I know Allah tests us but I am afraid I wont or dont want to pass this test beascue I am so happy………………????????????????????//

  95. sigma Says:

    Salam,
    i have read all the above comments it makes sense but from both sides.I do understand why islam is not allowing muslims womens with non-muslims, like in my case is very difficult to leave a person who is non-muslim,i believe once i live with that person under oneroof can teach him better about Islam thats how people get influenced by each other,there is no way to go out of islam but to get others in,i believe ALLAH has given mere convincing powers to women then a man.i have a confidence he will convert very soon after our marriage according to islam i’ll get punishment to do like that(but HE is the only forgiver) and as soon i convert him ill be greatly rewarded by ALLAH.so in order to get something u have to give something only once we get the life to live have to take risk to move forward ,what u have to say about it sir.

  96. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    Yes I do remember your story sister. I see you both have made a wise decision. What you are explaining is a case of habit. You were with him for 5 years and got so used to him that now its hard to break off just like an addict would have difficulty leaving the drug he is hooked on to.

    You need to divert your attention and channel yourself in other directions. Try taking up some sports, go for a jog or join a gym. Keep your mind on other things and of course keep on praying to Allah (swt) to bless you with patience and help you be on the right path.

    Make more friends who are practising Muslims. Arrange and participate in discussions on Islam with them. We recently created a room on http://www.stickam.com by the name of “Islam Talk”. Try to register on stickam and join the room to participate and interact with many practising Muslims there. I am normally there with the nickname “IqraProductions” – the same name I use on youtube. Many Muslims and non-Muslims join the room and we have great Islamic discussions and/or Interfaith dialogues there. You are more than welcome to come there.

    You have to shift your focus from him to Islam. Many people, when they undergo such breakups, ask the same question “what will i do without him/her”. All realise that “without him/her” its not the end of the world. We seek happiness in wordly things however that is nothing but fake happiness. For a moment lets imagine that you two get married together..then he starts to like someone else and divorces you. What would you do? Nothing. There is nothing you can do but to move on. Worldly possessions are nothing but temporary. Dont get hooked onto them.

    Try to divert your attention by doing all that I have mentioned above and earlier on in my correspondences with you and InshaAllah things will work out fine. You just need to be patient. If you are not patient then you are your own worst enemy. I know its hard now but believe me later on you will look back at this time and realise that there was no reason to be hurt. You will find happiness don’t worry :)

    If you would want to discuss this further do feel free to do so.

    Do take care of yourself and others around you.

    Wassalam.

  97. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sigma

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    I have actually already listed the Islamic opinion regarding any interfaith marriage. You have however made up your mind to do the contrary so I see no point in repeating myself all over again. But do know this, according to Islam, robbing someone to build a mosque does not make it a rewardable deed. It will have no rewards for you. Doing haram hoping that you might do some good is useless. All good should be done according to what is permissible in Islam.

    Moreover think like this…what if he does not convert after marriage. What will you do then?

    Wassalam.

  98. sigma Says:

    Salam,
    well,intentions only ALLAH knows, and ALLAH can only judge peoples HE only punishes and forgive peoples if we start judging each other i believe that is a biggest sin,u mentioned about doing haram and hoping that u might do something good is useless,so why doctors used alcoholic medicines to cure a patient that he might survive thay should let a person die but they know although its haram in Islam but they use it to save the life.So, that means the rest of the patient’s life is haram.there are lot of things which all of us do however not allowed to do so in Islam,so somehow or the other they are benefiting us,getting angry is Haram too in Islam but who doesnt get angry in muslims? gossiping about others, keeping grudges, telling lies,paying interest,all are Haram as well as these things hurt others a lot; which is another thing Haram in Islam.
    Atleast if u marry a non-muslim guy by hoping and keeping good intentions towards him will not gonna hurt anyone else,and i believe if you are good to someone that person will be good to you and ALLAH likes it as HE IS THE ONLY FORGIVER,Please advise.

  99. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam,

    See this is why I did not want to argue with you. You have already made up your mind to break the Shariah so nothing that I would say would make a difference to you. I dont even know why you wanted to know my opinion when my opinion is clearly expressed in the article.

    Again no one is judging anyone but the Quran and Sunnah do lay down the rules hence if someone commits murder, its murder and the person has to be judged. So we have common sense about what judgeable and whats not.

    Secondly, who said alcoholic medicines are haram? See thats your assumption that its haram. Hence consuming the medicine containing alcohol to cure yourself is not doing good through haram. Kindly stop giving your homemade fatawa.

    What I find hilarious is how you are trying to justify that others commit sins hence if you commit a sin so you will not be held responsible for it – Seriously how old are you?

    Why do you ask me to give you advise when you already know what I have to say about this topic in light of Quran and Sunnah? I seriously see no point in arguing for the sake of an arguement.

    You did not even answer my question: “What if he does not convert to Islam after marriage? Then what will you do? Will you divorce him?”

    Atleast reply to what I ask you before continuing on.

  100. karims Says:

    Assalaam Brother.

    Nice article.

    These type of cases are in places where muslims are in minority is the fact temptation leads its way. Its for both muslim men and women.

    The whole problem lies in the fact that such Muslims go wrong at the basics. Somehow emotions take over priorities of religion, extending it to state of mind that religion is just matter of what we take, rather than Islam as complete deen.

    Both muslim men and women alike stray when they go wrong at the basics. And the simple rule of basics i’m talking about is to take into fact that for muslims Quran and sunnah are the reference for judgement. This has to completely get fixed into the mind.

    Next comes the perception of life. Many so-called educated muslims hang in between after-life and present life. People are confused what to choose. But, they cant see the fact that this life is means of after-life. Problems look so simple but its takes so much to get into people’s head.

    In this confusion, people normally get easily drifted towards emotions, especially LOVE. As per Islam utmost LOVE should be for Allah(swt). When this is understood, priorities automatically fall to their place.

    Love b/w opp sex, bf/gf is just the need of human. When this love is taken as means to improve our imaan, strengthen our community and more importantly the Muslim involved cares about his life to be on the lines of Islam will automatically choose the companion to be muslim. The other dating stuff and all will look like smoke screen.

    Lastly, for Muslims, whether men or women who think its right as per them to marry as they wish coz love is more important, i’ll tell you that travel and see the poor, opressed among muslims worldwide. Your perception of so-called LOVE(in terms of opp sex) will change forever.

  101. Reema Says:

    Thanks for the article; I really need an answer to my problem. I know this guy who is going to convert for the sake my love not because he likes Islam as religion. Could this be a problem, even thought I know that I will be happy with him and I love him, but I cannot grantee the future. What should I do?
    Thanks for your time

  102. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Reema

    As salamu ‘alaykum

    Once a person recites the Shahadah then he enters the fold of Islam and he is not thrown out of the fold of Islam unless he believes in something which is contrary to the Islamic principles e.g. associating partners to Allah (swt).

    Hence if the person recites the Shahadah he will be counted as a Muslim by the community but like Prophet Muhammad (saw) stated that the one who migrates for the sake of a woman then his reward will be that. So if this person accepts Islam just for your sake then his reward will be you and not anything else. It is for this reason that I normally tell people to advise others to accept Islam for the sake of Allah (swt) alone so that their reward is with Allah (swt).

    Apart from that one is advised to marry a person for his/her deen. If he just accepts for the sake of marriage then he would really not be a practising Muslim. That could be a problem for you later on in married life. What if tomorrow he wishes to follow some other religion because he believes in it and leaves Islam. As it is he does not like Islam as a religion so he could simply start following another religion. What will you do then?

    See if he takes the shahadah, regardless of the intention, he will be counted as a Muslim and you can marry him but in the long run there is a high probability that it might end up in a mess. So I would advise you to rethink all the possible outcomes, some of which I have mentioned, and then decide whether you want to marry him or marry someone who is a pious Muslim – a Muslim by heart.

    Do feel free to discuss this further.

    Wassalam.

  103. Asmaa Says:

    Salam Again,

    I hope you remember me, from boston was in love with a German guy. Well alhamedo le allah, it’s been a month that i didn’t talk to him and alhamedo le allah, my heart and my brain are off him clearly. i did embarass my self before with calling him more and trying to force him to convert for my sake, but Alhamedo le allah, after talking to you and doing a lot of prayers and research, my eyes were open, and i asked my self a lot, what if i die after marrying him for a day? How i will answer Allah’s Questions? and what if the guy bring his friends home and ask for beer or such stuff? I found out that my life with him will be more torture than happiness, because deep inside i want to practice more my deen, even though I loved him, my love for Islam is bigger, and it’s better to suffer in this dunia than in the akhera .

    Thanks brother for your patient and advices.

    PS: I advise any sister that her friend doesn’t want to convert, to act as if he broke up with her and suffer for a while and then forget , than suffering forever.

  104. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Asmaa

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    Of course I remember you sister.
    May Allah(swt) reward you in this world and in the Hereafter for staying on the right path.
    Insha’allah Allah(swt) will bless you with a righteous Muslim brother.

    Wassalam

  105. Kausar Says:

    Salaam,
    I have a question about divorce to clarify a situation. I will really appreciate if I can get a clear answer.
    I have been married for almost 2 years. We never got along. We had talk many times but without any positive result. About 4 months ago I decided to divorce her and I wrote that down on a piece of paper. So, that was one time divorce. Within few weeks she tried to reconcile and we agreed on few things. Things never change, long story short I decided to divorce her the rest of two times. I made a divorce statement for 2nd and 3rd divorce and emailed it to her. She is upset and wants to come back to me because she still thinks she is only divorced twice because I took back the first divorce. As far as I know , there is no taking back on divorce. It was reunion before 3 months. But still counts towards one divorce.
    can you please clarify if we had 2 divorces or 3 .
    Wassalam.

  106. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Kausar

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    Allah (swt) has given us three chances. The third chance is the final divorce which is irrevocable. From your post you had already used your first chance. Whether you reconciled or not you have used your first chance. So when you divorced her again after a period of time it will be counted as 2nd. And then the one after that will be the 3rd.

    Hence you have divorced her three times already.

    Wassalam

  107. Steve Perry Says:

    If I convert to Islam, will I be able to marry a Muslim woman? I already know she is a loving, wonderful person. What will be required of me as a Muslim male besides praying, fasting, and not eating or drinking certain foods/beverages? Thanks.

  108. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Steve Perry,

    A Muslim man can marry a Muslim woman. Apart from what you mentioned above, you have to pay 2.5% of your savings as Zakat (obligatory charity) once a year. If you can afford then the annual pilgrimage to Makkah would be compulsory upon you. If you cannot afford it then it will not be compulsory. These would complete the five pillars of Islam.

    You can watch a detailed video on it here:

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pXUVd8Kh8qw

    You should, as a Muslim, stay away from interest as much as you can and also stay away from gambling. You will have to abstain from extra-marital and pre-marital relationships. Next I would recommend you to read the translation of the Quran so that you have an understanding of the morality and ethics of Islam.

    You can buy any of the translations below:

    Mohammad Taqi Usmani: http://www.amazon.com/Noble-Quran-Mufti-Muhammad-Usmani/dp/9695640001/ref=sr_1_8/002-5500588-1721644?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1193731576&sr=1-8

    Abdullah Yusuf Ali: http://www.amazon.com/Quran-Text-Translation-Commentary/dp/0940368323/ref=pd_sim_b_shvl_title_1/002-5500588-1721644

  109. Sana Says:

    As Salaam Mualaikum–

    My problem is similar to what has been mentioned above by many muslim sisters. But I have another issue as well which is making my problem more difficult. I am very deeply in love with a Russian man–he is Jewish. He loves me very deeply too. We have been together for a little over a year now. He moved backed to Russia in February and we have been in constant contact with eachother. Our niyyat, eversince we realized how much we love eachother, has been to marry. When he came into my life, I felt like I was not very close to Allah(swt). But I always felt guilty deep inside about my actions of being with him–but I couldnt help myself–I followed my heart, and kept being with him. My love for him has grown stronger and stronger. But something very strange has happened over the past week–I call it a message directly from Allah(swt). I began realizing that I just cannot be happy not living a complete Muslim life. I can never be happy if I do not give Allah(swt)’s teachings to my children. I have been going through such a mental turmoil about all this–I decided to explain the whole situation to my mother.
    From the replies above, I understand that Alex, the man I love, will have to convert to Islam NOT for the sake of me, but because HE HIMSELF wants to. I understand that if Alex converts to Islam for this niyyat, in that case my marriage to him is permissable. Although Islam is #1 for my mother, she still does not want me to marry Alex even if he does convert to Islam with a true niyyat and heart. Is it wrong for my mother to think like that? I love Allah(swt) the most–and after Him come my parents. It makes me very sad to even think about an action that will make my parents unhappy. Unfortunately, my parents want me to marry a muslim man, preferably a doctor, with a lot of money and high class. I have never been impressed by any of these societal measures–for me, following the path of Allah(swt) is important–nothing else. I know my parents want me to have financial security and want the best for me. But if I marry Alex, should he convert to Islam for the RIGHT reasons, and if my parents are still not happy, will I be punished? If my parents are not happy, is it still right for me to marry Alex, even though Alex decides to convert to Islam for the right reasons? I am very deeply in love with Alex, and I just cannot imagine ever loving another man. And if things can work out between us in an islamic way, then I absolutely do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
    I have decided to marry Alex only if he accepts Islam for the right niyyat, not for me. But I am upset about what my mother has said. I dont want to make her unhappy, but she just does not understand how deep my love for Alex is. But I want to make it clear that my love for Allah(swt) is greater than my love for anyone else.
    Please help me through my turmoil. What do I do?

  110. Sana Razvi Says:

    Dear Brother ,
    Assalamo Alaikum,
    I do not know why I am writing this post to you at this time when the world around me is asleep in India.. I hope you remember me .. I wrote you twice having similar conditions as all my sisters had. Brother, its almost been six months when I wrote you last though i read your blogs and posts daily without any irregularities..sometimes even twice a day after returning from my work.. And it was you only who showed me the right path and alhamdolillah i am sticking to my decision of not getting married to him unless he converts for the sake of Allah. Brother when i wrote you last then also he was in a different city than mine and at present also.. I had a very good ramadan alhamdolillah and Eid as well. I prayed regularly and was on fasting as i have been doing since I was 13 yrs of age. And I felt connected to my Allah and Islam in every way. I had prayed night long in shabeqadars during ramadan as i told you earlier that my upbringing was truly Islamic and i have absolutely no doubts in my foundation or in my basics.somebody in your blogs stated that if Muslim sisters are facing this problem there is something wrong with their basics which i strongly disagree.For understanding somebody’s problem one has to be in his/her shoes. I also used to think like this earlier and i told you i was proud of it which turned out to be false as Allah is testing me and one never knows whom do Allah tests and when. When i read other posts of sisters , there are some who were in relationship with non Muslim guys since years and now returning to Allah. What I feel for them is that they were lucky enoguh to be guided by Allah and I believe that even if a person is interested in going through ur blogs they definitely have some doubts in what they are doing and they want to confirm with you irrespective of his/her background. Brother , what I actually want to convey is that despite of my sincere efforts I am not at all able to forget him.. I am not at all in touch with him since months but he is still there in my heart.I am a very emotional person and I ponder over very small small things in my life like work issues, family matters and all and so for me forgetting him is becoming impossible . I don’t know why. I wonder what would be my condition if I was in a relationship with him for years. it was hardly a matter of six months we worked together and before leaving the city(he was relocated) he expressed his feelings and even then I am just not able to erase him from my memory. I tried my best to involve myself in good things.. reading good books a lot and planning about my studies again after job and so many other things but I am an absolute failure.. For me love for Allah will always be above anything else and I have already taken a decision under your guidance. My faith will never be shaken Inshallah but I see myself in utmost pain. I don’t know why . Though six months have passed to this issue. Again I am awake and not able to sleep being immensely tensed and so decided to write you again finally which I did not want because I had nothing to ask from you , nothing to get cleared as you already did earlier,but still i decided to write to you because I wanted to tell you all this.The current state of my mind is that I am restless and I cry every single day hiding from others and pray to Allah to make me come out of this situation. I assure myself daily by seeing people around me happily being in a relationship and then breaking it off and marrying somebody else, that my case is much more simpler than all others but at the end of day I end up crying and self pitied(why this happened to me) which I hate most.what I am surprised about is that why am I being attached to him so much without any commitment with him or any relationship.I just cannot imagine anybody other than him in my life.The reason I sorted out is that he is a gem of a person and within years of my life I have never seen an innocent, honest and a man of principles in my life. Everyday i read your blog to see how many men came to Allah hoping someday he would also come to Allah. I just cannot resist hoping this everyday and I become happy when i start having faith that Allah will bring him towards Islam in the rightful manner and daily i pray for the same. Please guide me if I m wrong anywhere and help me with your duas and tell me with which I can ask for him in my daily prayers that he becomes a pious Muslim. Please guide me and tell me some prayers which increase the possibilities of being answered . Rest Allah knows well. Thanks for having patience of reading such a long post. May Allah bless you and you keep guiding people towards the right path.

  111. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sana

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    Islam gives a man and a woman the right to marry whom they like. In Sahih Al Jami it is reported that Prophet Muhammad (saw) said:

    “There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage” – (Sahih Al-Jami, 5200)

    If the parents of a female do not give her permission to get married to someone she likes for unislamic reasons then the female has the right to marry that same man against the will of the parents.

    As a result if they disagree to your marriage with Alex for any reason thats unislamic then you have the right to marry him against your parent’s wishes. This will not be a sin upon you.

    Hope that answers your concern. Feel free to ask any follow up questions.

    Wassalam

  112. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sana Rizvi

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    It was really nice to hear from you again and of course I remember you sister.

    In life we often get attached to one thing or the other and then when we lose it, it gets really hard for us to forget it. Realistically it is impossible to erase something from our memories at will but what we can do with the help of Allah (swt) is to learn to live without that thing. People lose their parents in wars or other violent activities. Take a look for a moment at the young Palestinian children whose parents get killed in the most horrific ways in front of their eyes. They cannot erase the memories of their parents from their mind but can only with the help of Allah (swt) learn to live without them and attain a state whereby the memories dont hurt them as much.

    Our purpose in life is far greater than to get depressed over the fact that we cannot forget a man or woman we love. Our purpose in life is to worship Allah (swt) alone. That should be on the top of our priority list. As Muslims we should focus on worshipping Allah (swt) and loving Him increasingly day by day. We often get upset at a Divine Decree while forgetting that it doesnt matter what the Divine Decree is. Our goal is not to run after wordly gains. We attach ourselves to the wordly goods and then when the Divine Decree goes against us we ask “why me?”. The question is “why not me?”

    Surely the Quran says:

    “Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ‘We believe’, and that they will not be tested?” – [Quran 29:2]

    And it would be naive for us to think that we will not be tested. But the Prophet (saw) also says:

    Narrated By Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.” (Sahih Bukhari Vol. 7, Book 70, #548)

    Previously I had given you a list of du’as for you to read. Keep on reading them Insha’allah and pray Salat ul Istikhara. Also when you cannot pray Salat ul Istikhara just recite the Du’a Istikhara. I too will Insha’allah pray for that to happen which is better for you.

    Remember that this life is temporary. At an average we live for 80 years here but we can also die tomorrow or even this second. Hence we should always try to focus on worshipping Allah (Swt) and loving Him rather than attaching ourselves to material gains. There are people who are suffering much more than us so lets feel their sufferings and help them for the sake of Allah (swt).

    I do understand that you are going through a hard time. Dont forget to read the du’a which I had mentioned earlier. And be patient for Allah (swt) loves those who are patient. You will ‘forget’ him soon Insha’allah.

    Do feel free to discuss this further Insha’allah.

    Wassalam

  113. Sana Says:

    As Salaam Mualaikum–

    Thank you so much for your beautiful guidance. Alhumdulillah, I feel a lot more clear-minded now than before. I do, however, have another extremely important question. It is in regards to zinna–I have had many muslims give me all kinds of answers in relation to the topic of zinna. If one has pre-marital intercourse with a person, is it correct that islamically those 2 people cannot get married? Even if both parties have complete niyyat to get married? Some people have told me that their marriage will not count, while others have told me that it is actually encouraged for those 2 people to marry eachother. I look forward to your response inshaAllah.

  114. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sana

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam

    There isnt any such ruling. Zina is a crime in front of Allah (swt) and if the case is taken to Shariah Courts then one gets the punishment for it. There is no such case that you cannot marry that person or that you are encouraged to marry that person. The crime will remain as it is and only sincere repentence can wash away that sin.

    However sincere repentance from both these 2 people who have committed zina is required before the marriage without which marriage according to many scholars cannot be valid. Hence sincere repentance is a must.

    Wassalam

  115. MsVorsche Says:

    Assalamualaikum

    I’m a muslim woman & I used to be with a catholic man for years. Before, he wanted to convert but for so many reasons, he changed his mind & ended the relationship recently. He said he loves me so much but he still believes in his faith & he cannot convert because of his family who are devout catholics. But there are other things as well that puts him off to be stay in this relatioship, including culture where he said my people look down on his people, age-difference where he wants to marry now, his non-existence to my family. I’ve tried so many ways to win him back to change things but nothing happen.

    I’ve been praying to Allah swt to give me the strength to be patience because I have this strong feelings that this is a test to prove whether I could take the pain & also I truly believed we are meant to be. I even dreamt about his long-lost sibling visited me in my sleep which I haven’t met in my entire life. The first time was when me & my ex-boyfriend first got together, I dreamt that she was smiling at me & the last dream was during ramadhan recently that she was really upset. There are other dreams as well which I could not remember. But I know dreams are just dreams that are just playing tricks in your mind.

    Recently I begged him again & he told me that he is still not convinced & still stick to his decision. He said we are not destined to be together or else we would have stayed in the relationship. He said eventhough I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him especially since the death of his sibling & he thought I was a gift from God to make him strong. But he changed his mind, & I knew he misinterpret about islam & also my asian culture.

    For months, I have been doing nothing but praying including hajat & istigharah & also finding ways to convince him to give us another chance. I think I have done my part to win him back but I feel I haven’t done my part to convince him about islam. But he will always get angry whenever I say that he has to convert to islam just to be with me & he said that why does it always have to be about conversion all the time just for us to be together. We were supposed to get engaged next year? I’m in love with him & so does he, we both want to marry each other & grow old together.

    I know I’m being indenial & stubborn. I maybe emotionally exhausted & fighting in a losing battle, but I truly belive we are destined to be together & I’m still holding on the rope so hard. How can I convince him to give us another chance, without talking about religion just ‘yet’? Please help me.

  116. Sana Says:

    As Salaam Mualaikum brother–

    I had contacted you about 10 days ago originally. Thank you again for taking the time out for me.

    I am finding myself in the same predicament as the sister above. I have not, however, attempted to force Islam onto him, but I have showed him the door of Islam. I have recommended that he go to a local mosque (as he and I are in different countries) and that he do some research. He has done research and spoken with people, but his experiences have not been good. He probably did not communicate with the right people. He said that the muslims he spoke to seemed to be very aggressive, and when he went into a local mosque, they were not welcoming towards him. I felt very embarassed–I wanted to prove to him that Islam teaches us to be calm and peaceful people. Like the situation above, the man I love has said that converting to Islam is unacceptable, and has openly said that he has no problem with me practicing Islam. I know this can still not give me a muslim life, but brother–I just cannot stop thinking about him. I find myself crying and crying all the time. I know this is my struggle-I know this is my jihad-because I have chosen to sacrifice the love of my life to walk on the path of Allah (swt). But I cannot take this depression–the pain is too too much.
    I absolutely do not want to do anything that will make me go astray the path of Allah (swt), but I cannot stop loving him. Allah (swt) after all made me this way and Allah (swt) after all brought this man into my life. The pain of not being able to spend my life with him is too deep–since we had dreamed of everything together–our marriage, our children, our careers, everything. I just dont know what to do.

  117. FD Says:

    I’m a non-muslim man in a relationship with a muslim woman for 5 years, and the truth is it really doesnt matter. I’m from a catholic background, but i do not practice nor believe in most aspects of it. if she wants to be muslim, go ahead, im glad i met her, because i learned so much about somthing i was never aware of. what logic is that by saying the man will not understand islamic beiefs? that cant be meant for everyone cause thats not me. whats the big deal, im not taking her away from anything, im not stoping her beliefs. but i will not convert. i will not convert to any religon. but i am open to the belief that these profets did have a message and because this message came thru man, i feel, that they kind of put there two cents in. come on, talk about logic, no religion is logical, if anything the one sure thing religion is good at is controlling people. but yet i still feel like god is there. so for god to tell her she cant be with someone who is not muslim but who is netrul does not make logic. the world is not ready for this. people will not let it happin. nobody wins, what is life if we cant live it. so take ur logic and throw it away because thats a matter of opinion and not fact. why would god give us emotions like love, then not wanting us to use it? im sorry i refuse to believe god is like that.

    Thank you

  118. Edric and Roma Says:

    Asalamualaikum,
    I just want to clarify few points.
    1)what is non-muslim(guy)require to do to accept islam.
    2)Right after acception of Islam can a person start practicing Quran.
    3)Is it neccessary for non-muslim to change their names if they accept islam?
    Moreover, to this let me tell you i myself and my sister are in love with Muslims and finally we are convinced to accept Islam we have done our own research and almost after 5 years we are convinced,although our parents are against us we just done want to change our names,kindly suggest us what are the possibilities?

  119. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Ms Vorche

    Firstly I would like to apologise for the late reply. I have been really occupied with many things and thus could not give enough time to the blog. I hope you do forgive me for that.

    From what I have seen you have tried your best to ask him to accept Islam. Before I go on the explain about Divine decree, I would like you to ask him his concerns about Islam. Why does he say he is not convinced? What is it that does not make sense to him? What particular issues does he have a problem with as far as Islam is concerned?

    Ask him these questions and let me know so that I can guide you better. Insha’allah Allah (swt) will guide him if his heart is clean.

    Wassalam.

  120. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Sana

    Assalamu’alaykum

    I would like to apologise to you as well for the late reply. I have been really occupied with many things and thus could not give enough time to the blog. I hope you do forgive me for that.

    I am not aware what country he is in but the behavior of those Muslims like you have explained has been highly unislamic unfortunately.

    Many a times we are faced with a Divine Decree that we do not want to agree with. We end up asking questions like “why me?”, “why cant this happen?”, “why why why?”. Clearly we find ourselves in a place where we want to go against the decree by Allah (swt) because of our desire for this world and that which is in this world.

    We also think that if a certain person comes in our life, it means that Allah (swt) sent that person. This is an incorrect view and not necessarily always true. It makes us feel nice to believe that Allah (swt) sent that person to us and many a people use that as a justification to do that which is against Islam.

    We all get hurt in our lives at many instances. The hurt is worse in those who put the love of this world before the love of Allah (swt). We fail to remember that we should love the world and whatever is permissible therein through the love of Allah (swt). Our priority list should have Allah (swt) on the top and then for the love of Allah (swt) comes love for anything else. Whether we get something in life or not, it should not make us go astray from the right path.

    All humans go through this pain when they lose their loved ones or are unable to be with those that they love. At such a time one should devote more time towards Allah (swt) and develop a deeper relationship with Allah (swt) and seek for forgiveness for our actions that violated the laws set by Allah (swt).

    See when you dreamt with him about marriage, children, career etc. you were by default breaking the law of Allah (swt). He was a non-Muslim at that point and you should not have put yourself in a position where you would get hurt immensely if he rejected Islam. I would recommend you to seek forgiveness for any violation of His laws that you committed.

    After seeking forgiveness spend time in worship of Allah (swt). There are many duas that I recommended to another sister above. Recite those. Do dhikr. Do not shut yourself out from the world. The more you will isolate yourself the more it will get harder for you to deal with your situation. Try to attend Islamic lectures. We will be organizing a tafsir of the Quran session this saturday at 6pm EST on http://www.stickam.com in the “Islam Talk” room. Try to attend it if you can.

    What you need to do is accept this as a Divine Decree from Allah (swt). Maybe this person would have been a really bad husband to you or a really bad father to your children. There are many such cases where people get married and after marriage the picture is completely different which then leads to divorce. Allah (swt) has protected you from greater harm. So seek help from Him for He is the only One who can help anyone.

    Do feel free to discuss this further if you may want to.

    Wassalam.

  121. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Edric and Roma,

    Wa’alaykum as salam,

    May Allah (swt) reward you for seeking the truth and accepting it both in this life and in the Hereafter.

    I will answer your questions below:

    1) To accept Islam one only needs to recite the shahadah i.e. “I bear witness that there is no god but Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah”. In arabic it would be:

    “Ash hadu an la ila ha ilal lah wa ash hadu ana Muhammadan Rasool Allah”

    Once a person recites this he becomes a Muslim. It is encouraged to recite this in front of Muslim witnesses so that the Muslim community would recognise you and always be there for you. I would suggest that you visit any nearby mosque and tell the Imam that you want to accept Islam. He will take your shahadah.

    2) As soon as one accepts Islam it becomes necessary for them to practise Islam. As a new convert one does not need to start off by trying to apply everything on themselves. Islam does not aim to burden anyone. Hence you start by applying as much as you can and overtime become better Muslims each day. Certain things that are declared as haram (i.e. forbidden) are to be avoided e.g. pork and alcohol. You must however start by learning how to pray that salah. Salah is that which Muslims pray 5 times a day.

    3) It is not necessary for a convert to change his or her name. It is only necessary to change your name if the meaning of the name is against the Islamic principles. For example if your name would mean “Slave of Jesus” then you would need to change it as we are slaves of Allah (swt) and not any Messenger of Allah. As long as your names do not have the meaning which is against Islamic principles you do not need to change it at all.

    Do let me know if you would like to ask anything else or discuss these further in detail.

    Wassalam.

  122. Edric and Roma Says:

    Aslamualaikum,
    Thankyou very very much for giving me the details which i required,moreover to this, since we are going to accept the best religion ALHAMUDULILAH we want to recite the shahada and get married also at same time according to ISLAM.can we do it at the same time?
    secondly,please advise us so we shall call our parents to give us blessings on our wedding are christians are allowed to come to mosque for nikkah?
    i have several muslim friends to come as evidence for us,we really want to get marry in a very simple way we just dont want to call 10000’s of people for the name sake,u just pray for us please.

  123. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Edric And Roma

    Wa ‘alaykum as salam,

    Yes one can take the shahadah and get married the same day. There is no restriction ot it.

    Also you can of course invite your parents to the wedding. And yes Christians are allowed in the mosque. There is no restriction there.

    Insha’allah Allah (swt) will bless your marital life and shower you with happiness.

  124. MsVorsche Says:

    Asalaimualaikum, brother

    I have emailed him asking why isn’t him convinced & what doesn’t make sense to him. But I don’t think I will ask him about islam nor religion which will cause another big argument that would insult him. Do u think Allah swt allows a u-turn? Why isn’t my prayers are answered? I’ve been praying from Allah swt but it seems like my answers hasn’t been answered. I’ve tried so many ways…praying all the way to Allah swt, begging & pleading my ex, still the coldness comes towards me even more.

  125. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ MsVorsche

    Wa’alaykum as salam,

    There are many times in life where we come to a position where we question why certain prayers are not answered. Try reading the following, it might help:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/why-are-our-prayers-not-answered/

    Wassalam

  126. MsVorsche Says:

    Asalamualaikum, brother.

    I read the your aspects based on ‘why certains prayers are not answered’. I may not think that my doa is forbidden. What is the best way for me to do right now? To let him go & keep praying? Except for the hajat & istigharah, are there any other prayers that I could possibly do? To bring me closer to Allah perhaps?

  127. Sarah K Says:

    Asalamualaikum,

    It’s funny to see so many girls facing the exact same thing as me. I wonder if any of these cases have a positive ending? My problem is the same, but there is a little difference. My boyfriend is Druze so basically he considers it a religion based out of islam. At the same time, he doesnt believe in reincarnation(the way the darzai believers do). He says he believes in the koran, in one god, in muhammad, but he does not formally want to “accept” islam, because his family is very important and this would be very bad for their reputation. Is he muslim? Can I marry him?

  128. Edric and Roma Says:

    Asalamualikum,
    How Ar You? i just need some more of your help, in the same regard of conversion. please ans all my queries.
    1)do i need to provide any written evidence/document while accepting Islam if yes,what are those?
    2)Secondly,will it be mention on my nikkah’s document that im converting from christianity?
    3)Can i make my ID after marriage or do i need to make new ID card before my nikkah?
    4)Can any of my christian friend be my evidence? how many people do i require for evidence?
    I have a request for you can you please provide me any of your contact number where i can call you and clarify my things coz im very comfortable discussing my personal thing with you, Please dont mind.waitng for your reply at your earliest i want to do this thing before new year.Thanks.

  129. Nadia Says:

    Salaam,
    I am so relieved that I found this page. I am going through the same problem as many of the sisters here and I felt better knowing I was not the only one. I am a hijabi who prays, fasts, and tries to follow the deen. I have been praying for a good spouse since the age of 16 and 10 years later I am still praying.

    I have let my parents know my need to be married and they have not had any luck with finding a spouse for me. I am not the type of girl who would have expected to be put into this situation. It is not like I go to places where there are lots of non-Muslim guys and I am not a flirty type. I would not mind an arranged marriage so long as the guy is decent, fears Allah and respects and loves me!

    After being told I am too dark, too chubby, and too educated by women in the community, I met a wonderful man at an Islamic function (I know, the only non-Muslim guy there is the only one to talk to the hijabi). He told me I was beautiful in my hijab and that it was impressive to meet someone who is an intellectual. Needless to say, due to my own weakness I have seen this man for months now. I realize that it is haram and I am asking Allah (swt) for the strength to end things. I plan on telling him that I need a spouse who can embrace my deen, take me to Hajj, help me raise my kids to be Muslims.

    I keep reminding myself of how Ibrahim (as) was asked to sacrifice his son to Allah (swt) and how he did not falter. I ask that you make dua that I can do the same knowing that I have no other potential spouses at the moment.

    Are there any duas that I can make that will help open his heart to Islam? I don’t want him to convert for me, but to convert for himself inshallah.

  130. dharashan Says:

    Hello to you

    I here your situation and can relate to it. I am a Christian man in love with a Moslem woman. I want to start of by sharing some thing with you. I have a tremendous amount of respect for all religions including Islam. I believe that all religions have some thing good to offer and, if I can learn some thing from it then it is a good thing. I want to share some thing with you about Christianity though. In my experience, love is the most important thing in life. I am not going to go in to the bible here but, one can understand the facts about god, one can believe that he can move mountains, one can speak to angels and on and on but, if he does not love then he is nothing.

    Why should you be judged if you fell in love with a non Moslem man? We all believe in god as we are people from the book. Do you think that god does not know that your heart is happy with this man? Love is a fleshly thing and god has given that gift to all of us. If this man loves you as he should then, he should not judge you for what you believe in and he should respect you as a woman of his home. If he forces his faith on to you then, it is wrong but, if you can both compromise a few things in life then you will be happy with your self and god as well.

    I hope this helps.

  131. MsVorsche Says:

    But its not that easy when that person’s heart is closed already, where he thinks there will be no future……I wish he will open his heart one day. It hurts especially that I’m being replaced by someone already that quick.

  132. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sarah K

    There are certain people who although claim to believe in the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad(saw), are not Muslims. As I do not know the personal religious beliefs of this brother you are referring to I cannot comment. Many Druze pray to Ibn Amr Allah as they believe that he was God in His manifested form. If this brother believes in such concepts then that is shirk and he is not a Muslim.

    Secodnly even if we were to assume that he is a Muslim who hasnt declared to be a Muslim, under the Islamic Shariah the marriage would be unlawful because the society will look at it as a marriage between a Muslim and a nonMuslim. Thus no person will be willing to read the Nikah between you and him as they will consider him as being a nonMuslim.

    What he can do is accept Islam in front of Muslim witnesses and not inform his family about it. Once he has accepted Islam at the masjid for example then the marriage would be permissible. He can keep it a secret from his family and does not need to let them know about his reversion.

    Hope that answers your concern. Do feel free to discuss this further.

  133. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Eric and Roma

    Wa’alaykum as salam,

    The answers to your questions is as follows:

    1) You do not need to provide anyone with any documents.

    2) Nothing will be mentioned on your nikah about your previous faith.

    3) If inconvenient you can get an ID made after the Nikah. It would be better if you get it made before. But this is not a requirement. Even if you havent made the ID yet, you can still have the Nikah done.

    4) If this is evidence for the reversion to Islam then 2 minimum is required. It is better to have 2 Muslim witnesses. It would be easy to find any 2 Muslims at the masjid. In addition to those 2 if you want you can have as many of your Christian friends to be at the masjid and witness you accepting Islam.

    I do not mind giving you my contact information. I do not live in the US though so international rates will apply if you call me which could be very expensive for you. However if you do not mind, kindly give me your email address so that I can email you my number.

    Wassalam.

  134. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @Nadia

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    Here are some steps that would help you help him accept Islam. Introduce him to an imam of a masjid. He can discuss Islam with him. Give him Islamic literature to read. And just pray normally to God to open his heart to the truth.

    Insha’allah I will pray for you too.

    Do feel free to discuss this further.

    Wassalam

  135. MsVorsche Says:

    Asalamualaikum

    If I pray hajat, does the answer usually comes in dreams like istigharah? & can you possibly tell me the right way to do hajat prayer, in case I did it the wrong way? But is there any particular doa that would make a person to open his heart, eventhough his heart is closed?

  136. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @MsVorsche

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    To pray Salat al Hajat you have to perform a fresh ablution. Then pray anything between 4 to 12 rakah. This would be performed like any other nafl salah. After the salah recite the following:

    لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ وَالْغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَالسَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ إِثْمٍ لا تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْبًا إِلا غَفَرْتَهُ وَلا هَمًّا إِلا فَرَّجْتَهُ وَلا حَاجَةً هِيَ لَكَ رِضًا إِلا قَضَيْتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ

    La ilaha ilAllahul Halimul Karim. SubhanAllahi Rabbil ‘rshil adheem. Alhamdulilahi Rabbil ‘alameen. As’aluka mujibaati rahmatik. Wa aza’ima magh-firatik. Wal ghanimata min kulli birr. Was salamata min kuuli ithm. La tada’ li dhamban illa ghafartah. Wa la hamman illa far-rajtah. Wa la hajatan hiya laka ridan illa qadaytaha. Ya arhamar rahimin.

    “There there no god but Allah the Clement and Wise. There is no god but Allah the High and Mighty. Glory be to Allah, Lord of the Tremendous Throne. All praise is to Allah, Lord of the worlds. I ask you (O Allah) everything that leads to your mercy, and your tremendous forgiveness, enrichment in all good, and freedom from all sin. Do not leave a sin of mine (O Allah), except that you forgive it, nor any concern except that you create for it an opening, nor any need in which there is your good pleasure except that you fulfill it, O Most Merciful!”

    To open the heart of something just make normal supplications to Allah (swt) and also pray Istikhara so that the way that is best for you is made apparent.

    Insha’allah do feel free to ask any follow up questions.

  137. MsVorsche Says:

    Thank you, brother. Insyallah Allah swt will answer my prayer.

  138. FD Says:

    i need to know if there is anyway that me and my girlfriend can be together without me converting to islam. im a non practicing catholic and she is a direct decendent of muhammad. her family is going crazy trying to break us up for 5 years. they threat to disown her if she doesnt leave me. but she stays with me while still thinking she is muslim when she doesnt practice. her fear is loosing her family, but loosing me at the same time. im trying to find somewhere in islam that lets her family accept this relationship. i wont convert and she doesnet want to convert. we both share and respect one anothers views and beliefs, and it works. its been working for over 5 years and its only getting better. would anybody know where to find this information at.

  139. Sana Says:

    As Salaam Mualaikum–

    I want to take this opportunity to thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart. Your guidance has helped me a lot. I had contacted you originally on Nov. 4th about my particular situation. At that point, I was miserable–but alhumdilillah, now I feel like I was miserable for nothing. I was in a lot of pain because I did not know how I can make things work being a Muslim and being with a Jewish man at the same time. Within just a month, I have truly realized that I just cannot be happy not living a Muslim life: I cannot be happy if I do not raise my children to be true muslims, or call a man my husband who himself is not muslim. I would always have to sacrifice my deen in order to save my marriage–whether it be in family occasions, where alcohol is involved (since his family drinks) or even at home–where there would also be alcohol (since he himself drinks). My life would have been a nightmare. I was in a lot of confusion, and then I decided to leave everything up to Allah, as He truly knows what’s best for me. And alhumdulillah, now my mind is so clear and tranquil.
    MY ADVICE TO ALL THE WOMEN WHO POST ON THIS PAGE: the love you are feeling right now for the non-muslim man in your life is temporary–I guarantee it. Allah (swt) has given all of us a conscience, and if not now, you will realize that being with him will not make you happy. I know it is hard–I have gone through the pain. But your journey towards happiness must begin with your niyyat–your intention. If Islam is the most important priority to you, only then will this work. Love Allah and trust Allah. I am not saying that falling in love is haraam–love is a beautiful bond-a beautiful feeling. But what good is the love that brings with it guilt, depression, regret, and sin? Is that not why you are asking brother Ebrahim for guidance-because you are feeling depressed, miserable, and/or even regretful about your relationship? Love brings happiness-not regret. Allah has created a soul mate for all of us. Have faith in that–do not go out there looking for love-let it come to you.
    And remember that true love is only for Allah–Allah comes first. After that, do not forget your family. In addition to thinking about Allah (swt), I also thought of my parents. I can never be happy living a life where my own parents are in pain their whole lives.
    I am not saying this to judge anyone–I am among you muslim women. Just make Allah your number 1 priority, and inshaAllah the pieces will fall right into place. My prayers are with all of you.

  140. MsVorsche Says:

    To Sana

    I understand where you’re coming from as we’re both on the same boat. And that is a very good advice what you have given to us. I am, right now, still hoping & depressed but I know I cannot go on like this. Yet, I still pray to Allah s.w.t. that one day my ex will open his heart & come back to me. Like I said before, Allah s.w.t. is testing my patience eventhough everyone told me I have no patience at all by pushing him to give us another chance & to leave the girl. & the fact that christmas & new year is coming, its just making things worse, which I know I shouldn’t bother about it all but I only respect their celebrations. But I am trying my very best right now to do what is right (learning how to be patience & praying), if we are meant to be…then we are *amin amin*. My ex may be seeing someone else who has the same religion & culture as him, but he told me & everyone that he is just doing this to get over me & to get married as he’s getting old. He said if there is something that would convince him to continue our relationship, he would give us a chance but right now its just not happening. Insyallah Allah s.w.t. will open his heart one day & that will be the day my prayers will be answered *amin amin*

  141. Kausar Says:

    Assalam Ailakum,
    I divorce my wife 3 times. We were married for 2 years. My parents bought jewellery for her as wedding gifts which is worth about $5000 US. I also agree on Haq-e-mahar of $5000.
    Is she entitled to keep Jewellery ? after divorce or do I take it back.

  142. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Kausar

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    What is given as a gift cannot be taken back. Whatever you gave to your wife belongs to her and you have no right over it.

  143. Takeover Says:

    yeah at least you answered the last question looks correctly..

  144. sad_girl Says:

    Hello,

    I dont know if you remember me but I wrote you a few months ago abouy my non muslim boyfriend..well he broke up with me a few months ago and i begged for him back..even tho i know this is not what Allah wants and even tho i knew we wouldnt work out in the long run..i begged for him back and he came back..we were doing good for a little bit and then we started fighting again..and today he broke up with me again and said that we cant be together becasue we always fight and the culture and religion is a big obstacle..i cried and cried and begged but he felt very stronlgy about ending our relationship…i feel soooo depressed and sad…even tho i know in the long run we wont be able to live a happy life becasue I will lose my family if i marry him, yet i still pine for him and love him and want him back. i try not to call him but i find my self on the phone with him crying and begging for him not to do this,,,why is this happening…we have been together for 5 years..why is Allah doing this to me..i dont know how to be strong without him becasue i am so dependent on him..i need him…and i cant even go to work or school while hes not in my life..all i do is want to see him and be with him more than ever..please help me..i feel like i am going crazy!!

  145. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    As salamu’alaykum

    I do remember you and after reading your message I cant help but say that I cannot help you in any way. Reason being that you do not want to help yourself. You have attached yourself to the duniya (world) so much that you do not want to attach yourself to Allah (swt). If you do not want to help yourself then there is no one on the face of this planet who can help you. Even Allah (swt) says that He changes not the condition of those who do not try to change their condition.

    Knowing what was wrong you gave in to your nafs and did what was wrong by getting back with him. Knowingly you chose the world over Allah (swt)…..but what happened….He broke up with you again.

    His culture and religion are so dear to him that for them he left you….yet you go against the law of Allah(swt) for him.

    You are humiliating yourself in front of him by crying and begging but he does not care about you YET you want to disobey the Creator for such a person?

    All creation needs the Creator only….so depend on whom you should depend….not on whom who needs to depend on someone else….like Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

    “So is He who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed or he who guides not unless he is guided? Then what is [wrong] with you – how do you judge?” – [Quran 10:35]

    I previously gave you many du’a to recite….recite them….repent sincerely for breaking the law of Allah(swt) and try to fix the wrong done. The du’as are listed in the 71st post on the page.

    Also try to move around in Islamic circles and make friends with pious muslims. Ones company has great effect on one. If you do get time to spend online then join the room “Islam Talk” on http://www.stickam.com where a lot of muslims from all walks of life come and talk about Islam and how and what they go through especially in the West as Muslims. Its a great place to make some nice pious Muslim friends.

    Make some effort to get closer to Allah (swt) rather than spend time on the phone crying and begging him to come back. He has clearly made his decision…now its time for you to make yours. Do you want to lead a life being a good Muslim or in sorrow and depression over someone who has made it clear where you stand on his priority list.

    The decision is yours….make a wise one.

  146. Fawzia Says:

    I have never read an article as ridiculous as this one. I don’t know which world the author lives in. Every single point made, can be used against muslim men as well. The Creator made each and every one of us. Non muslim people were not created by a different entity, in fact they are somewhat better because they became monotheists before muslims did. God says that if he had wanted for all mankind to be as one he could have done so. So why do you think he sent prophets who revealed different books? To put mankind to the test, to see how well we would accept each other and live in peace and harmony. It seems that we are failing that test miserably.
    Muslims must become more compassionate towards people of the other books and towards each other. Judging mankind must only be left for the Creator. None of us are in a position to judge anyone. All must understand that muslim women are not weak. If they decide to enter into a union with a man of the book than they do have the strength to bring up there children on the right path.
    Live and let live people. Question everything, do not accept what anyone tells you. The Quran is there to answer your questions. Do not depend on other peoples thinking only.

  147. Karim Says:

    Fawzia,
    Can u please explain what u mean by- “Non muslim people were not created by a different entity, in fact they are somewhat better because they became monotheists before muslims did.”

    U mean, non-muslims are better than Prophet Mohammed(saws) also?? Because, he(saws) was first muslims under his Sharia.

    U also say:
    <>
    The article doesnot mean Muslim men have free license to do anything they wish. The topic is on muslim women marrying non-muslims.

    <>
    What exactly do mean, Fawzia?? Living in peace and harmony means, we must adopt to other religions? Will u also extend this to say there is nothing wrong if muslims do idol worship for “peace and harmony” with hindus and buddhists??

    <>
    The Quran is judgement, if at all u have faith in it.

    <>

    Was that a warning to muslim men?? I accept, they ‘might’ do it, but practical cases suggest that most of times children donot follow Islam so easily if one of the parents isnt muslim. And thats a FACT. Its not just about muslim and non-muslim couple; even if muslim parents cannot bring up their children as per Islam, they will be taken to task on judgement day.

    A personal question to u FAwzia, i have been seeing this trend. I just want some little help from you. Do muslim women of today, especially highly western educated ones really hate muslim men?? I mean, its just too hurting too see this. Can u tell me, if yes, why this is happening???

  148. Karim Says:

    Sorry, My previous post had ASCII errors!

    Fawzia,
    Can u please explain what u mean by- “Non muslim people were not created by a different entity, in fact they are somewhat better because they became monotheists before muslims did.”

    U mean, non-muslims are better than Prophet Mohammed(saws) also?? Because, he(saws) was first muslims under his Sharia.

    U also say:
    —>”Every single point made, can be used against muslim men as well.”

    The article doesnot mean Muslim men have free license to do anything they wish. The topic is on muslim women marrying non-muslims.

    –>”To put mankind to the test, to see how well we would accept each other and live in peace and harmony. ”

    What exactly do mean, Fawzia?? Living in peace and harmony means, we must adopt to other religions? Will u also extend this to say there is nothing wrong if muslims do idol worship for “peace and harmony” with hindus and buddhists??

    —>”Judging mankind must only be left for the Creator. None of us are in a position to judge anyone.”
    The Quran is judgement, if at all u have faith in it. We are not judging by ourselves. Quran clearly prohbits muslim women marrying non-muslims. Donot say u want to accept part of it and leave rest of Quran.

    —>”All must understand that muslim women are not weak. If they decide to enter into a union with a man of the book than they do have the strength to bring up there children on the right path.”

    Was that a warning to muslim men?? I accept, they ‘might’ do it, but practical cases suggest that most of times children donot follow Islam so easily if one of the parents isnt muslim. And thats a FACT. Its not just about muslim and non-muslim couple; even if muslim parents cannot bring up their children as per Islam, they will be taken to task on judgement day.

    —>”The Quran is there to answer your questions. Do not depend on other peoples thinking only.”
    Please, Can u prove from Quran how these marriages are valid?

    A personal question to u FAwzia, i have been seeing this trend. I just want some little help from you. Do muslim women of today, especially highly western educated ones really hate muslim men?? I mean, its just too hurting too see this. Can u tell me, if yes, why this is happening???

  149. sad_girl Says:

    Salaam..

    What is the difference between the Istikharah Salah versus just the du’a? Also, after doing this, am i suppossed to get a dream or something that will help me decide?? Also, in the istikhara prayer, what should i fill in the blanks with if I am trying to ask Allah to take away the feelings from my heart for my Christian ex-boyfriend or to ask Allah to bring Islam in his heart so that we may be together…what do i say exactly?? Thank you..

    sad girl

  150. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    @ Sad_girl

    Wa’alaykum as salam

    In the Salah you have to pray 2 rakaa nafl and in the dua you just recite the dua and dont have to pray the 2 rakaa nafl.

    You need not necessarily get a dream. 2 things can happen…either dream or the events in your life will turn to such that you will be lead to what is better for you.

    Istikharah is normally a questions….you can phrase it as “i want to marry such and such person..is he right for me?”…you know something along those lines.

    But make other du’a that I mentioned in the posts earlier to help come closer to Allah(swt) and away from the worldly desires.

    Wassalam

  151. seeker05 Says:

    “A personal question to u FAwzia, i have been seeing this trend. I just want some little help from you. Do muslim women of today, especially highly western educated ones really hate muslim men?? I mean, its just too hurting too see this. Can u tell me, if yes, why this is happening???”

    well i dont think the sentiment is reserved for western women. I live in a Muslim country for more than a quarter of a century I have yet to come across a guy truly devoted to Islam. Few well educated ones pray 5 times a day, an injuct so basic. Of these fewer are nice human beings. I personally feel disappointed in them. It is sad that I am biased and I wish i felt otherwise.

  152. Confusedguy Says:

    As sallam alaikum,
    I practicing muslim man,i love with hindu woman for 5 year. We have decided to marry. She agreed to convert in islam. But she also does not leave her faith in hindusim after marraige. said i will practice both sincerely. She has no problems worshiping two gods. im confused. pls hlp.

  153. Mi Says:

    may i just point out that in an household women are superior in the form of raising child as the husband is at work all day long… and rarely sees child, maybe on weekends etc. so the woman will be teaching her child the way she wants, and unless she is a working mother i highly doubt the idea of a man TEACHING his child. as this is seen as a mothers role!

    yet again, there could be such agreements on such cases as the pork and alcohol. I totally disagree with the fact that a woman needs to prepare her husband his meal the way he wants it or offer him a brandy after dinner. so that i think is also over ruled… we are living in the 21st century, and not only an american woman has the right of speech.

    Do not get me wrong, I am a muslim girl, living in KSA, which means that there is 0.00001% chance of any occurance of this sort in my life.

    Even though i think the points you made are the only reasons in islam that denies a non-muslim man to marry a muslim woman. but that does appsolutely not make it a strong point. Infact i think it is very weak. Interesting but weak!!!!!!!

  154. Mi Says:

    oh yeah, confused guy… that is Polytheism, which means SHIRK… The major Shirk is what Ibn Al Qayyim said: “That a person takes (for worship) others besides Allah as equal (with Allah) he loves them as he loves Allah. Shirk also includes putting idols as equals, or on the same level with Allah”. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Yet there are men who take (for worship) others besides God, as equal (with God): they love them as they should love God.}[2: 165]. The Prophet was once asked about the greatest sin and he said: “To set up rivals unto Allah though He Alone created you”.
    Many things enter into the category of equalizing Allah, The Almighty, with others: Supplicating them, making vows to them, sacrificing for them, asking their help in what is pertains to Allah such as: asking them to relieve distress, or to have children, or the like. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Or, who listens to the (soul) distressed when it calls on Him, and who relieves its suffering, and makes you (mankind) inheritors of the earth? (can there be another) God besides God? Little it is that ye heed! Or, who guides you through the depths of darkness on land and sea, and who sends the winds as heralds of glad tidings, going before His Mercy? (can there be another) God besides God? – High is God above what they associate with Him! Or, who originates Creation, then repeats it, and who gives you sustenance from heaven and earth? (can there be another) God besides God? Say, “Bring forth Your argument, if ye are telling the truth!”}[27: 62-64].
    So, it is strictly forbidden to perform any kind of worship for anyone other than Allah, as such an act nullifies Islam. The scholars are agreed that: “Whoever puts an intermediary between him and Allah, calling this intermediary for help in relieving distress and asking him for mediation, is a Kafir (disbeliever). There is a consensus over this verdict”.
    Among Shirk is to put someone at the level of Allah, The Almighty, in making legislation, such as taking a legislator other than Allah, or accepting the legislation of someone other than Allah, in passing verdicts and in deciding on what is Haram and what is Halal. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {They (Jews and Christians) took their rabbis and their monks to be their lords besides Allâh (by obeying them in things which they made lawful or unlawful according to their own desires without being ordered by Allâh), and (they also took as their Lord) Messiah, son of Maryam (Mary), while they (Jews and Christians) were commanded [in the Taurât (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)) to worship none but One Ilâh (God – Allâh) Lâ ilâha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Praise and glory be to Him, (far above is He) from having the partners they associate (with Him).”}[9: 31].
    It is narrated about this verse that Adiyy Ibn Hatim entered while the Prophet was reading this verse and said: “They did not worship them”. The Prophet said: “In fact they did. Did not they forbid the lawful and make the forbidden lawful and these (people) follow them. This is indeed their worshipping”. [Al Tirmizi].
    The Prophet made clear to Adiyy that the lawful and the prohibited are set only by Allah and that whoever does this without permission from Allah, he should not be followed. Whoever follows such a person, he is then worshipping him and making him as substitute to Allah. This is indeed a major form of Shirk.

  155. Mi Says:

    just wanted to add one extra post:

    First is Shaykh Khaled Abu el Fadl:

    In all honesty, personally, I am not convinced that the evidence prohibiting Muslim women from marrying a kitabi [Person of the Book] is very strong. Muslim jurists took a very strong position on this matter–many of them going as far as saying if a Muslim woman marries a kitabi she is as good as an apostate. I think, and God knows best, that this position is not reasonable and the evidence supporting it is not very strong. However, I must confess that in my humble opinion, I strongly sympathize with the jurists that argued that in non-Muslim countries it is reprehensible (makruh) for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim. God knows best–I have reached this position after observing that the children of these Muslim/non-Muslim marriages in most cases do not grow up with a strong sense of their Islamic identity. It seems to me that in countries like the U.S. it is best for the children if they grow up with a Muslim father and mother. I am not comfortable telling a Muslim woman marrying a kitabi that she is committing a grave sin and that she must terminate her marriage immediately. I do tell such a woman that she should know that by being married to a kitabi that she is acting against the weight of the consensus; I tell her what the evidence is; and then I tell her my own ijtihad on the matter (that it is makruh for both men and women in non-Muslim countries). After telling her all of this, I add that she must always remember that only God knows best; that she should reflect on the matter as hard as she can; then she should pray and plead for guidance from God; and then ultimately she must do what her conscience dictates.


    Second opinion is from Moiz Amjad, one of the students of Javed Ahmed Ghamidi:


    In one of my previous answers to a similar question, I had pointed out that a) the Qur’an has expressly mentioned the prohibition of marriage between a Muslim man/woman with a polytheist person; b) As far as the marriage between a Muslim man/woman and a Christian or a Jewish person is concerned, the Qur’an has expressly allowed marriage between a Muslim man and a Jewish/Christian woman but has not given any express directives regarding marriage between a Muslim woman and a Jewish/Christian man. This silence of the Qur’an regarding marriage between a Muslim woman and a Christian/Jewish man, has generally been construed as a disapproval of the Qur’an regarding the particular issue. However, because of the silence of the Qur’an in the related issue, marriage between a Muslim woman and a Jewish/Christian man cannot be termed as prohibited by the Shari`ah. In my opinion, prohibition of a certain matter in the Shari`ah, requires express directives to the effect.


    In view of the above explanation, it should be obvious that the ultimate decision regarding such a marriage (between a Muslim woman and a Christian/Jewish man) is left to the individual.

  156. Noorul Ain Says:

    Assalam Alaikum!

    Dear brother Ebrahim, I need to discuss a few points/rules that may be required to follow for the next of kin of a Muslim female who has digressed from Islam and married a Jewish individual. I will be more comfortable discussing this with you in the form of email. I have left it in the box provided above this reply. Please email me ASAP and at the same time please know that I pray for you to succeed in what you are doing and may Allah SWT reward you for the effort, time and patience you have put into this matter!

    Jazak-Allah

  157. in need of help Says:

    i have been with a muslim woman for almost 6 years. i am a non-muslim, and let me tell you, the stress of this relationship has felt like a dagger in my heart everytime i breath. her family will not let us live in peace, and she wont marry me, but we live together. i have dedicated my life to find a solution and i have found no written proof that she cant be with a cristian. now before you attack me with empty answers, people deserve to be happy no matter what. the sooner people can understand that we should be coming together as men and woman and not as muslims and non-muslims, the sooner peace will reach everyone. were all connected whether you like it or not. but the truth is most people dont want to hear the truth and we’re all afraid of the unknown. what is known is that 2 good people should be together if they choose to be no matter what kind of crazy attempt to keep people apart. i mean really are muslims happy people. it seems like to much energy to focused on negetivity. but what i am saying will most likely be ingnored like it always is. i have read the koran and i think people were mislead once again by man. we are so silly to think one book is right and the other is wrong. we are so silly for hurting our brohters and sisters and children. just relax and chill. life is more than controll. life should be wonderful but its not at all. do the right thing and use ur comman sense, rather than refering to some ancient text. come on. think about it. more people are hurt by religion than you care to know. dont take offence to because i know you will. be practical and understanding. show the world that islam is peace and love. because it doesnt feel like it

  158. sft Says:

    why is this even a problem if islam says men and women are equal?? if men and women are equal then she cant teach wat she wants to her children, she doesnt have to listen to her husband…just like if a man marries a non muslim he can teach his children what he wants….

  159. XXX Says:

    where does it say that women cannot marry to non-muslim men?

    if it says so in the Quran, can you please tell me which verse?

    If it’s not in the Quran then where?

  160. makes no sense Says:

    i am christian and in love with a muslim women and we will marry soon. i do not understand how your allah can want such pain and suffering. i dont mean any disrespect but he sounds more like a slave driver than a god. Or also like a dictator. “you can only do this, you can only do that, you cant do this, you cant do that” gods are loving and would not wish such things upon his people.

    i am not saying i believe this but i think there is no way of knowing… how can you be sure to know that thousands and thousands of years ago when man was very few, two guys wanted to start something. and they wrote a book. say for instance this book is the bible. these two guys just wrote in this book and traveled telling this story and spreading the word. somewhere along the line another few guys decide to write their own version (for instance the quran). and after so many years it stuck. there is no way of knowing that this is not true. you can say you know it is not true because you have faith.. but what if your faith is over nothing? how can a god wish death upon someone only because they are a different religion? gods are almighty and wise.. not cruel. if the gods in the world’s views were so different and conflicted with eachothers views to the point where one god wants death upon the other religion, dont you think the gods would of had their ways with eachother?

    all i am saying is two points. i dont believe in allah because i believe no god would ever be so cruel.

    and that you never know that what your spending so much time of your life dedicated to.. might not even be there.

    i believe in a higher power.. but do not choose.

  161. In Need Of Help Says:

    This is a reply to Makes No Sense….Brother, im in the same place ur in right now. 6 years ive been in relationship with a muslim woman and im a non practicing Catholic, and let me tell you, her family has put so much energy into breaking us apart. Its almost like they dont care about her happiness. But its more than that…to understand this crazy islamic law, you gotta do some reaseach and find out were this comes from. It was actually never written in the Koran, it originitly said that a man cant marry a non-muslim. it never said anything about woman, untill a woman wanted to be with a non-muslim man. Then Islamic schollars had to change the koran to fit there own needs…its all control. We live in America, so why should we convert. This is not a Muslm State, the Koran doesnt dicate our everyday life. Only about 2 Million muslims live in America that has a population of over 300 million. So how do u expect the muslim woman to meet the right muslim man, when a muslim man can marry a non-muslim woman. It makes no sense at all. It feels like a movie. Muslim people are behind to the world when it comes to evolving to the times. Any body that follows the teachings of a warlord (Mohammed)that lived 1600 years ago, is a fool. I too mean no disrespect but enough is enough… I have dedicated the last 3 years to learning Islam and the history. First of all half the original writtings of the Koran was stolen and destroyed by the Cristian crusades, so the muslims had to go into towns to find people who had memorized the koran, and they had to rewrite some of the lost sura’s. Muslim people get mad instead of trying to help us non-muslims in understanding there faith. Again im not expecting a positive reply from a muslim, cause i have been shot down on almost every forum on this subject. The best advice I have for Makes No Sense, is dude, just fake it. just say u converted…lye about it so her family can be happy, so they think there not going to hell. What a crazy world, i know for a fact that Muslim people are 100% wrong and totally out of line by restricting Muslim women to marry non-muslim men. Its 2008, its time to wake up, theres been war for over 2000 years. God or allah or whatever it likes to be called is prob laughing at all of us for killing other people in his name. Its non-sense…The tranlations in the Koran have 6 inturpitations in english, maybe more. Arabic the chosen lanuage of God? r u serious, so what about the other 5 billion people that arent muslim. will they go the hell? I dont think so, god is all loving and forgiving, not spitefull and vengefull. Use ur brain and open ur eyes, im sick of dealing with this. I cant wait to see what intellignet replies i will get if not any. Cause muslim people know deep down inside that life more than Islam. Again thank you and for Makes No Sense, be strong and just do your thing. We dont have to follow islamic law in America. and if muslim people didnt want there children to marry non-muslims they should’nt have moved to Cristian country. Come on Muslims, what do really expect. They make me laugh but i love them. There ignorance and blindness amuses me. But Muslims are just like everybody else with the exection of dictor as a god. Thank you for your time

    • Alex Says:

      Wow….you “non-practicing men” who claim you are in love with Muslim women sound very moronic right now. You claim you love and want to marry a Muslim woman, but you have no respect for her religion. Look at the way you degrade the religion, and honestly, what would you know about Islam or any other religion for that matter? I do not think this article’s basis is strong, and I believe in Muslim people marrying non-Muslims as long as somebody is willing to convert. Honestly, you people cannot believe that two people of opposite religions can live together “forever” with no compromises or problems…come on…what about the children who will have a very confused sense of identity? I don’t understand why a Muslim would marry a non-practicing person of any faith. That just complicates your life, honestly. You guys are more than ignorant. Other faiths do the same. Christians generally try to marry within their own religion as well. This is human nature, so don’t try to make us look insane. People in general do this, but you guys just happen to have no respect for anyone’s religion. You don’t deserve to marry a Muslim woman if you are that much of an ignorant crock.

      • Alex Says:

        oh…and your ignorance, however, does not amuse me…learn how to spell and at least articulate your worthless ignorance better…maybe you would sound less stupid if you could at least spell half of your insults right…

      • Bernard Says:

        In Need of Help is right. Us Christians are not ignorant people – we seek out peace amongst all religions and peoples. Why are we not allowed to have marriages between faiths? Because Allah said we can’t? Why would a God put down such unjust laws that his people, despite belief (given from a free will), are not allowed to marry one another?

        I am a Roman Catholic and the more I learn about Islam and its people the more it disgusts me. You people are trully not happy inside. Through the teachings of The Bible I have discovered what it means to have hope, faith, love, compassion for everyone. I love you for being another member alongside me in this world but it disappoints me that you spread the hate of separating people apart. Jesus told us to love one another as their neighbour – that is how it should be. Violence and pessimism only creates separation and depression. Look at the Nazi’s – for their selfish reason of wanting to conquer the world and form it in their own image there were good people, a vast disversity should I say, that opposed it and brought it down. God put us on this world together and so we should live side by side. In fact, The Bible originates before The Koran and as biased as it sounds, who says we Christians are not right?

        In the end God/Allah will judge us, it should not be up to the people he put on this Earth to do it amongst themselves. There is no evil in becoming compassionate to one another – there is absolutely no argument against that.

        As for Muslim women being tempted by Satan to marry a non-muslim man? Absolutely BULL SHIT. Love is not evil, Satan does not show love. Be logical, get down to earth – we are human living under one God together.

        I love my Muslim girlfriend – I just wish the rest of the Islamic world would see there really is no reason to separate us. If only the world was more just, and evil didn’t reside in us men and women, then maybe we could be happy and live amongst each other in peace.

  162. Answers Says:

    This is for In Need of help,before the crusades the qur’an was sent to alot of places in the world and it was left untarnished. So although the english translations may be incorrect or slightly off, u can go to the remotest region in the world and if you find a qur’an the arabic will bee the same as a qur’an printed in the USA in 2008. Thats one, second it was never said arabic was the chosen language, it was simply the one picked because allah new it would be globalized and it is, due to oil in the present times and the ottoman empire in the past. Just because you don’t agree with the ideas or laws of the religion it doesn’t mean you have to disrespect the religion. I’m sorry you don’t agree with the fact that muslim women can’t marry non-muslims and muslim men can. You have to remember though that Muslim men have to follow certain restrictions when marrying thr non-muslim woman and she has to be close to converting, it is not that a muslim man a marry non-muslim woman all willy-nilly. As for the fact that we amuse you because we are muslim and that you claim we are ignorant, it is disrespectful and if you can’t say something nice they say nothing at all. As for makes no sense why are you marrying a woman whose beliefs you not only disagree with but seem to think is a relatively stupid belief?

  163. question Says:

    For ebrahim I have a cousin who wants to marry a non-muslim, he is not christian or jewish he simply believes in god with no affiliation to either religion. SHe wants to marry him because Qur’an doesn’t say she can’t marry a non-,uslim rather the qur’an says you cannot marry an idolator and he believes in god I have adviced her to do her best to convert him and she says she has tried, but the boys father is Catholic and he doesn’t want his son to convert so that is why he is not converting what can I tell her?

  164. In Need Of Help Says:

    This is a Reply for “Answers”…do really think the arabic lanuage is globalized and that is why god chose arabic because of oil…lol…for real dude. Im sorry if I disrespected your faith but I am allowed to say what I think. I think its stupid for anybody of any culture and faith to believe in somthing they never seen before., but whatever makes you happy is cool. and actually I converted to Islam just so my girlfriends family wont go crazy anymore. I dont believe in any religion but i do believe in god. But Im sorry if my words made u mad, and really i dont care. go cry about it, it is what it is. And it makes no sense. If Islam and the koran is the truth then why only 1/6 of the world is islamic…about 3 million in america. All im saying is that Muslims are starting to open there eyes a little bit and seeing the world for what it really is. There is a new generation of muslims, so the times are changing…dont get left behind. and dont be stupid…thank you for your time

  165. Steve Sanderson Says:

    Mr. Ebrahim Saifuddin

    What you have written above is the biggest load of garbage I have ever heard.

    This clearly displays your lack of respect for women. Islam is an intolerant, insecure, social political movement that is in desperate need of reform on a multitude of issues.

  166. G Says:

    I am a Christian man, dating a muslim woman. We love each other very much and I would be happy to raise our children as Muslims, as long as they show love and respect to others.

    It is a terrible thing in my eyes, that we are not allowed to marry, as this is considered fine by my religion, which states that love for God is most important but he created love and true love on earth is also the most important thing. True love is the love of God/Allah so why is this a problem.

    I know it says this in the Quran, but surely scholars are able to read the context, look at the reasoning and if the specific situation is acceptable to allow this?

  167. G Says:

    Wow. I have just read through some of the posts. The post by IM (28) seemed like a very well thought out, personal, kind and understanding arguament. The reply by by Ebrahim (29) seems very agressive.

    Obviously the views of IM do not sit with the Quran and therefore are clearly not Muslim beliefs, but a logical and non agressive response surely would have been more beneficial?

    It would be nice to see a reply to IM(29) on the reasons specifically why this view is so bad.

    The attack on ‘almost all’ was particularly poignant. Almost all of my muslim male friends look after their wives well. Some don’t.

    Your reference to “What if I would tell you that almost all the Muslim women I know who are married to Christian men are in a very bad state.” was interesting. If this is something that you are personally extremely against, then how well would you let yourself get near to these people with true understanding in your heart?

    Obviously this is against your religion and so you disapprove of it. This is something that can not be changed but your response did not show the balanced opinion that you seem keen to be viewed as having.

  168. nada Says:

    I come from an islamic background, but grew up in england i am originally palestinian and have seen nothing but conflict about inter faith relationships and marriages. I have seen violence and hate breed because one muslims mans son loves a christian girl and a jewish boy loves a muslim girl for about 10 years without any problems until it comes to marriage.

    I have a wonderful christian fiance who is so kind and pure. there is nooooooo way i won’t marry this guy. I struggle to believe that i will burn in hell for i know that there are no 2 people in this world who have interpreted or understood the same thing from Islam, nor from Christianity or any religion… what I look for in people is what they have understood from their religion and not “what” religion they are. if i see that they have understood kindness, humility, to love thy neighbour, to respect their body, to pray to God and to be thankful for their blessings not their troubles and to have pure intentions in their actions as well as respecting their Family and their Mother etc etc…then i know this person has understood the same thing as me regardless of weather it is through Islam or Buddha.

    The way we interpret anything is a reflection of ourselves. To take the option to breed hate by tearing apart a good couple because of religious differences is actually much much worse.

    Allah is somebody who unites people not separates people. If we are human, we should be beyond the brainwashing of our world leaders who simply want to create MASS PARANOIA so that we create civil wars and kill each other.

  169. In Need Of Help Says:

    For Nada and anyone else…i agree with you on the brainwashing of our world and leaders of our world, but understand that most brainwashing comes from religon. You say Allah is “somebody who unites people and separates peaople”. Thats not TRUE, so me, a born catholic, that does not follow his own faith but rather study all world religons, cant marry a muslim woman, without me converting. That is the separating of people. When people die in the name of god, and disown there children or sometimes evening kill them just to preserve to faith, thats separating people. Come on, no one can justify that. You may think Islam is peacefull, and it really is. Its just the old timers that are going to far with this….You really wanna unite people, get rid of religon and lets all follow one beleif. but thats never gonna happen cause people enjoy killing and controling us!!! So blah blah blah!!! Islam does not rule this world, only a percentage of it, and i dont think any religon really rules this world at this worried time of our lives…but sorry but Islam has shown me hate and destructing. I read the Quaron, and few hadiths, but as a muslim you dont have to follow the hadiths, i mean why would you wanna live your life as a man from over a 1000 years ago…Your profit was a man, so know what man can do to manipulate people and society.

    Thank You

  170. mohanad qamar Says:

    i would like to complete this life with all people around the world without any religion who often make all people like prisoners to his religion with my love and in end i would like to speak god is lover mu.ch po un sk and alllllllllllllll

  171. avish Says:

    man such a backward thinking of u all. u are concerned about americas domestic voilence but just give a look at the condition of women in muslim countries. man what should i say u . everything i will say will end up with no result.because religion rules ur every aspect of ur life not allah. sufism is the more appropriate way of life than being a muslim. give it a thought. not let these maulvis rule ur thought have ur brains…..

  172. Yasmin Says:

    Assalam o’alaikum,
    I wish, I could agree, to what this article states.
    But the fact, is I could not disagree more.
    You really mean to say that a Muslim man marrying saya christian is ok, coz, if she teaches her kids about Jesus, then Harat Isaah is a prophet we Muslims, acknowledge and respest. What is she tells her child, Jesus is the son of god, and the whole trinity.
    Contratry, to this, what if a non-Muslim, man marries, a muslim woman, and has no problems, if his wife teaches his kids, about the holy Quran, Hazrat sallallah wassalam,(PBUH), and Allah,the most beneficient and the most merciful of all.
    I say this, because, I know such people.
    Your reasons, for a non-muslim man not marrying a muslim woman, and a Muslim man marrying a chaste non-muslim woman, does’nt really get across me, if these are the only reasons.
    We live in a century, where a husband does not command his wife to obey or follow any particular religion, nor does, he restricts her from following her own.
    As for the kids. I really dont think, we lowly mortals have the right, to brandish them as born of fornication and illegitimate.
    We all agree, that Allah is the creator, the most merciful of all. Let him decide, who is legitimate and who is not.
    In the end I would only say, that we all are answerable to our own deeds. Deciding what is right or wrong for others, is not what we were send on this earth. Lets all first try and be better humans at least.
    I would say that in itself would be a BIG achievement.
    Khuda hafiz.

  173. NN Says:

    hey there…i just wanted to say that people shouldn’t be judged by their religion but by their acts…if you meet someone and fall in love you don’t fall in love with that person’s religion but with his personality…it’s his qualities that attract you…what i’m trying to say is you don’t marry someone just because they are from the same religion because people think that it might reduce problems between the couple…problems can always exist even if they are both either muslims or christians…
    now true love is really hard to find you know….so in my opinion when you find it hold on real tight to it because it comes once in a lifetime…and it doesn’t matter if the other person is from a different religion as long as both parts get along real well and have respect and honesty and trust to one another…i don’t think that Allah will stand in the way of true love and stop two people in love from getting married…

    now on the other hand what i wanted to ask is..you are talking about civil marriage in your writing above in which the christian guy keeps his religion…but what about the case when the man choses to change his religion so he could marry the muslim woman?
    i hope that you take my comment in concideration and reply as soon as possible…thank you

  174. mezaun Says:

    I married a man who converted..he turned out to be a gambler and left me and our son in a huge hole. My sister married a muslim man who cheated on her twice and left her. I have cousins who married mulsim women and used them for their money then disgarded them.

    I am now engaged to an amzing nonmuslim man who i feel is my soulmate and is an amazing father to my son. My parents refuse to come to my wedding and say I denounce Islam if I marry him. I am fine with that. I am a non practicing muslim..but I don’t eat pork or drink etc..and my fiance understands this (he doesn’t either). I am froma small town with no other muslims and I have asked my parents in the past to find me someone. But they did not want to get involved in that because I am 37 and seen as undesirable. My brother married a nonmuslim and is incrediable happy. So all of this ..if I am seen as denouncing my relgion, and I belive in the prohets and God…what is to stop me from converting to a Chrisitan relgion?

  175. Fatima Says:

    Salam,
    I’ve read some of the latest comments, and I won’t blame the brother for not answering them.
    If you ppl think you are on the right path, and don’t accept any advices that you don’t agree with then do whatever you like. Stop accusing others —

  176. mezaun Says:

    Wow..what a typical right wing remark…all I was asking for was some sort of insight or guideance…guess I’m not going to get it from here.

  177. Shah Says:

    @yasmin

    You say : `In the end I would only say, that we all are answerable to our own deeds. Deciding what is right or wrong for others, is not what we were send on this earth. Lets all first try and be better humans at least.`

    So, why was Quran given? And hadiths?? Are we deciding what is right N wrong OR is the matter already decided??

    Allah maaf, I donot want to say this, but the whole purpose of Prophet(saws) guiding us falls apart with your sentence.

    Better humans are those who follow Allah(swt) and his religion. Better humans are not those who say sweet talk to impress the people trying to control, harm and kill muslims across the continents.

  178. huh Says:

    @Shah

    Better humans ae those who follow Allah and his religion…lol…so for the 5 billion non- muslims, i guess we will never be good humans. Come on Shah, how can you say that, look outside your box, and relize that the world has more to offer than just Islam. No offence but your 100% wrong for saying that and should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting that better humans are ones that follow Islam. We are all one, no matter religion…so lets come together before its too late.

  179. Aadila Says:

    I don’t understand some muslim girls writing here that reject boyfriends and refuse to marry because of their different religion. They are agree to do everything for you: to respect your religion, to believe in your religion, to grow up children as muslims, even sometimes they change religion for you! They make such things for you but you are still so selfish. “It is sin, it is prohibited…” but what about them? They make much bigger sins changing their religion, they stop believing for you in their prophet, in their god, they stop doing many other things. But was any of you brave enough to convert to christian for them? No! And, whatever it says in bible, they didn’t even ask you to do it because they love you with what you already have and don’t want you to change, because they put love on first place, because they want to be happy and want to make you happy. Religion is created to show people right way in their life, to make people better, to stop people from doing bad things and to encourage people to do good things. Isn’t it??? Muslim religion has a lot of restrictions and they work and make people better. This low that does not allow muslim woman to marry non-muslim man does protect them from a lot of bad guys but what about good guys? It is not a protection when someone really love you and change himself, and his likes for you, when he does something he doesn’t want to do at all just for you, just to be with you, just to make you happy. Love is the only think we live for and religion should never be against it. God wants us to be better, he doesn’t want us to do bad things and he wants us to love each other no matter what we believe. Listen to your heart, not to some other people saying that it is sin. Whatever it says in Quran, the god will forgive you because you are doing it for something very wonderful, for your happiness, you are doing it for love, for something we live for. Love has never been sin!
    Someone said that we have two lives: temporary and permanent. I respect my religion but if I really love someone with different religion and I do love someone with different religion, I will never ask him to change his religion because I respect his religion and I will break this rule. I believe Allah will forgive me and if he will not, it is not my god. I prefer to live my second life in hell just for this feeling, for the love. And if you, muslim girls, choose religion, not love, I don’t blame you. But you will cry not one time, you will be unhappy so many times and maybe all your life, and you will regret because you have lost someone very special. Aren’t you breaking the low by harming, by harming to yourself?

  180. Holly Says:

    I am a Christian and can tell you that the Bible does not teach a woman to place her husband above God, contrary to what the author has attempted to imply in his article (see paragraphs below.) I find it quite alarming that you are trying to say that the Bible teaches to place a human above God. This is not true at all, and is in fact the opposite of what the Bible teaches.

    “As one can see that the women of the People of the Book are told to completely submit to their husbands regardless of whether the husband believes in the word or not. To them the husband has been given a position by God to rule over them. Thus it is highly unlikely for her to disrespect her husband. At the same time the non-Muslim man comes from the line of thought that they are in this world to rule over their wives and that their wives should submit to them like they would submit to God. Hence it is highly likely for there to be clashes between the marriages of non-Muslim men with Muslim women.

    However this would further give rise to another question which people could ask. They could say that Islam teaches the wife to be respectful towards her husband so then there should be no clash between a Muslim wife and her non-Muslim husband. This line of argument would hold to be true only if the husband was given a status above God in Islam. That is of course not the case and Islam asks for complete submission to Allah(swt) and then come other responsibilities. Islam stresses on Muslims to respect their parents yet Muslims are not supposed to follow their parents’ orders if they are contrary to the teachings of Islam. Similarly a Muslim woman is not to follow what her husband says if it is contrary to the teachings of Islam.”

  181. Aatif Khan Says:

    Marrying non-muslim men/women and not converting them to Islam,will might make couple happy in this world…but InshaAllah they will be burning in Hell..if not accepts the Islam..This is the truth which is undigestable..

    Also If non-muslim men marry a muslim women then their child will be illegal(Haraam,there marriage will be illegal in the eyes of Islam…and Intercourse between them will be a Rape,whether It’s with permission or without..Reason-when marriage is not done as per Islam…according to prophet way..then it will not be valid in front of allah..so when muslim girl stay with non-muslim boy..their relationship will be Invalid.In the eyes of World they can do marriage with any tradition,whether Civil/Court Marriage or in church/temple..or any other way…
    BUT IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL IN FRONT OF ALLAH…AND INSHAALLAH..BOTH BOY & GIRL WILL GO TO FIRE OF HELL…!!
    THIS IS THE TRUTH…!!

  182. Aatif Khan Says:

    EBRAHIM SAIFUDDIN…MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU…FOR GUIDING MUSLIMS…AND ONE THING I WANNA SAY-THOSE MUSLIM GIRLS WHO PREFER TO GO TO HELL..WE CAN NEVER STOP THEM…IT IS ALLAH WHO DECIDES EVERYONE’S FATE…IF THEY WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE OF THIS WORLD…LET THEM HAVE FUN-MY BEST WISHES FOR YOU…BUT BEFORE DOING MARRIAGE,TRY ONE THING-BURN A CANDLE AND KEEP IT BELOW YOUR LEG..THIS TIME YOU CAN RUN AWAY..AS YOU HAVE CONTROL ON CANDLE…BUT WHEN ALLAH WILL BURN THE SINNERS IN HELL…THERE WILL BE NOONE TO HELP…MAY ALLAH HELP TO SHOW WRONGDOERS RIGHT PATH…!!

  183. mezaun Says:

    How will the fire of hell feel for those who preach hate and pass judgment on others?

  184. Crazy Says:

    To Aatif Khan:

    Keep on telling yourself and the world that everyone will go to hell if they dont except Islam…ooooo, Im SCARED!!! But for real, come on man. Islam is so divided that you guys cant even agree on 80% of the rules and regulations of Islam. What about the other 5 billion people who are not Muslim. Will they go to hell too? You try to instill fear and old methods created over 1000 years ago. Now is a different time so wake up Aatif!! Im not putting Muslims down, only Muslims like you who are far from Allah’s true word. Everything we do means where going to hell…we cant do this, cant do that!! Then what is the point of living if we are controlled and told what to do in every situation? We as humans have to do what is right for us, now before its too late…I have been with a Muslim Woman for 6 years and this whole thing is getting stupid now. I’m done trying to learn about Islam, because the Muslim world is not ready or willing to change there ancient ways to try to properly educate the world about its fatih!!!

    • Alex Says:

      Yeah, I don’t believe that anyone is going straight to hellfor simply not accepting Islam, but it is more about the way that you lve your life and whether or not you have good intentions on this Earth no matter what religion you may be. You guys, however, are quite ignorant for blaming Islam for all of your problems instead of owning up to something. Don’t try to exclusively make Islam look like some insane way of life. We do not believe that all others outside of Islam will “burn in hell.” I have, however, had a few Christians and Jews tell me that. Religion is a way of life and a code, if you will. If you do not believe in religion, fine. You still believe in some way of life or code. You’re making up your own rules and way of life instead of following those already written…how are some of you different? I m not bashing non-Muslims, although some of you bash us, I am simply saying, how does creating your own rules and code of life differ from just following one already created, aside from the fact that you believe you have some “freedom.” We all need some code to live by whether you choose to follow a religion or not–you’re still making a statement regardless. You guys talk about all of this “peace” and “people getting along” but I’m curious to know if you really, truly care about that, or are you just using this defense to argue that religion “seperates” people. Religion and “lack of religion” alike seperate people. Non-practicing and secular people who claim to be “indifferent” seperate themselves just as much a practicing, so don’t be hypocritical. Alot of the things you guys are spewing I think is somewhat valuable–I just want to know if you truly believe in them or if you are just ranting to make religious followers appear like the divided ones. I truly don’t think some of you even know what you believe in, and that’s your real problem. Instead of owning up to that, you spend your time bashing other religions and making it seem like we are in fact, bashing you. I really couldn’t give a flying flip whether some of you want to marry Muslim women–fine. DO what you want;who’s stopping you? Religion isn’t grabbing you by the neck and holding you back. Do whatever you choose. What amazes me is this supposed love you guys claim you have for these people of other faiths, yet you have absolutely no respect for their faiths or beliefs–a little odd don’t you think? Shouldn’t respect be somewhere in the marriage if you don’t at least have a similar faith? I really don’t think some of you crocks really know what you’re talking about, and you cannot really judge until you know the true Islam–I’m not talking about “articles” “forums” and Hadiths–I mean true Islam–Qur’nic Arabic. Don’t comment until you’ve read and understood that.

  185. payal Says:

    Clashes are bound to happen between non-Muslim husband and Muslim wife and vice versa if there is a domination by either party…At today’s age if people are enough educated, no one tolerates domination or forceful believes. I think this article is biased towards making a Muslim woman not marry a non-Muslim man…but the logic on the clashes applies to all religions equally…

  186. Robb Says:

    Hello, I`m a Catholic man married to a Muslim women,I respect my wifes views from religion to politics. I have changed my eating habits,I now eat beef and Turkey products,instead of pork.I do not drink ,smoke or do drugs. I live a very clean life style and have always lived that way. I have made many changes to be with my wife with the exception of religion,just as my wife had to make many sacrifices to be with me. We love each other and my wife is due to have our first child,I do have some concerns on how the child should be raised.She has a Muslim daughter from a previous marriage and I have two Catholic daughters from a previos marriage. Any Thoughts?

  187. robert Says:

    it doesn’t seem likely that archangel gabriel would tell 1 man…long after the old and new testaments…that he Muhammad was to write another book of Gods word. Gabriel would have never never reduced Jesus historical signifigance….but Lucifer-Satan would have done so…Jesus healed…Muhammad killed….Jesus sacraficed himself…Muhammad sacraficed others.
    Certainly no religion is perfect….but it’s highly unlikely Muhammad was a prophet of God….but a mere puppet for the Devil himself or a fraud.

  188. mezaun Says:

    Congrads Robb! Thanks for giving me hope. Its been a hard battle in the begining now everyone knows that my future husband loves me and my son unconditionaly and no religion will tell us being toghether is wrong. If we have kids together we will raise him/her as we see fit. I honestly beleive Allah put us here for us to make our own choices and that everyone is equal regardless of age, colour, relgion and sexual oreintation.

    • Alex Says:

      Religion is ot forcing you to do anything…I think you have some sort of problem…you claim you do not care about the constraints of religion..fine..why are you talking about hope and such? Simply do what you want,regardless of religion if you really truly believe that religion should not be an obstacle in your love life. You can only learn from your own experience, for someone else’s may not be nearly the same to be honest. I think you are still trying to hold on to religious concepts even though you claim you don’t care about many of the “restraints.” And you are absolutely right–Allah did put us on this Earth to make our own choices–maybe you’re confused about that part that he already knws what they are–good and bad. He is not controlling you like a puppet master–he knows you’re choices before he put you on this Earth. He put us here to experience the test, so do what you want. If you truly do not care about what people think, you wouldn’t be ranting about it or carrying so much of this worry around. I think you really do care or are still confused. You need to figure out what you truly want. Instead of guessing about what you think Allah wants, if you ar practicing, just read the Qur’an–that way you won’t have to guess, assume, or “think.” You’ll know. If you are not practicing–just simply drop the title of Muslim instead of holding on to beliefs you don’t agree with, like, or pratice–do your own thing sweetheart. At the end of the day, none of us really care, nor can we stop you.

  189. Anon Says:

    muslim woman marrying a non muslim is strictly forbidden in Islam

  190. Chip Says:

    One of the fundamental responsibilities of a muslim is to raise a muslim family (muslim sons and daughters). How is that possible if a non-muslim woman marries a non-muslim man? I’d even say that a muslim man marrying a non-muslim woman (while allowed in Islam) is following the same path. How can one’s children be raised as muslim if one parent doesn’t at all adhere to those views. One spouse would teach and educate their child about the virtues of going to mosque, praying, and abstaining from many acts, while the other spouse wouldn’t care at all about that. One parent would act as a Islamic role model, while the other spouse would do the opposite in many respects. For example, what impression would it lay on the child to find their non-muslim mom or dad enjoying a poker game, glass of wine, beer, or pork on a daily basis? What about As well, in many of these interreligious marriages, the non-muslim does not really practice their own religion (i.e. rarely goes to church or rarely prays). Under those conditions, the marriage between a muslim man and non-muslim woman itself would be invalid.

    Nomani talks about “love” and her own experiences, but it is just that, her own experiences. Obviously, no woman should be forced to marry someone that they don’t want as their spouse. But it is then the woman’s responsibility to find a muslim spouse that fits her needs or criteria (i.e. someone who you can love). There’s plenty of muslims out there. So, there’s really no excuse. I am all for freedom and rights, but If you want full freedom to do as you want and feel that any restriction or abstinence is an infringement upon your “rights”, clearly you may not at all care for religion. Religion has always been about boundaries – not a “do as you wish” type of lifestyle. If the woman and even a man wants to remain a practicing muslim and not be led astray to a different lifestyle, it is in their best interest and salvation to not marry a non-muslim.

  191. lynn john Says:

    please explain the real reason why muslim womasn can’t marry a christian

  192. lynn john Says:

    I think there are many contracdictions about your teaching in the Quran… Some believe that men can hit their wives but wife cant do that to their husband…

  193. mezaun Says:

    I would also like to hear the answer to Lynn’s question in regard to the Quran allowing husbands to hit their wife but women not allowed to hit their husband. Also in regards to chipp..I come from a big Muslim family….and many of the men drink beer, gamble, cheat on their wives and some even eat pork. I just don’t understand why one thing is good for men and not for women? This could be the reason I choose to go outside my relgion the second time…at least I found someone who respects and honours me, doesn’t get drunk and beat me or gamble our life savings away. The only thing he asks for in return is to treat him the same way and to think for myself. He may not be a muslim, but he beleives in the same God just practices in a different way…and most of all were Happy.

    • Alex Says:

      You need some help. Do not piggy back off of Lynn’s ignornce. Were you not Muslim at one time? Have you not read Qur’an? It says nothing about men striking their wives or vice versa–I think you need to read it, and some o the English translations are a little off, but not much–not quite as transformed as the Holy Bible. You need some serious guidance. Abuse is not allowed in Islam–I don’t know what type of bloddy ridiculous cultural practices or just plain nonsense you are referring to, but that is simply rubbish. Read some Qur’an. If you do not want to do that–that is perfectly fine, but you cannot pull things out of the air, nor can you take advice about a religion from people who know nothing about that religion…does that hardly make sense? Hadiths are worthless as well–only the Qur’an is valid. Read it, or be quiet.

      • Joe Says:

        Alex, what are you talking about. It clearly says that a man can strike his wife in Surah 4:34. “Light lashings” only it says in one verison. There are 6 different english translations from Arabic. So don’t go around calling people ingorant…that is the problem. When Non-Muslims have questions and Muslims get offended, I don’t get it…I just got out of a 7 year relationship with a Muslim woman…She didnt want me to convert but her family did, of course. In the end I had to break it off…I would not convert to marry her. I studied Islam for 4 years to try to understand and learn about Islam, but she never prayed, fasted, or did anything that a Muslim woman should do. Her family refused to anwser my questions, instead they blamed me for breaking up there family. It also says in the Koran that “Love Conquers All”…but in my case that didnt happen at all…Instead it was religion that separated us, and will continue to separate mankind untill we kill each other…Wake Up People!!!!!

  194. Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

    Mezaun,

    You can watch the issue of wife beating at the following link:

    http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2007/06/15/islam-and-wife-beating/

    As far as many men who drink beer, gamble, commit adultery etc, Muslim women should not marry such people. They Qur’an says that adulterers are to marry each other. So one must not marry them anyways.

  195. farah Says:

    Assalamualalikum to all,i’m a practicing muslim woman and i’m married to a white jewish man for more than 5 years. i do veil, perform prayers regulary and fast. My jewish husband never has any problem and he never stopped me to practice my religion. We have 2 children and my hubby allowed me to grow them as muslims. I can go to Masjid and Islamic centre and dont have any restrictions. All these things make me to respect him more and more and our love getting more strong. When we decided to marry my parents were not happy at all and didn’t allow me to but i fell in love with him badly and eventually got my love. Despite marrying a non-muslim, i have been living a dream life with him. He’s so wonderful caring and loving. I would like him to convert but if he doesn’t i can’t insist him as he’s not interfering in my religious practice like doing veil and hijab, prayers, fasting going to Masjid and bring up my kids as muslims. I wish muslim sisters live happily specially who have non-muslim husbands as it’s really a difficult decision. Allah Bless you all

  196. farah Says:

    Salam again, i would also like to ask all my sisters to pray for me as i’m gonna be mother of another baby of my beloved husband, due around eid. I’m so excited.Robin (My jewish husband) has become more caring to me these days, i’m really very happy to have that sweet, kind and loving husband. I wanna give him all the happiness of life as he’s keeping me happy and our love for each other getting deeper and deeper. In those 5 years from my marriage with a jewish man, the life has been the rose showering for as i’m with my love of life, and practicing my religion and my plan to grow my kids as muslim is well supported by my husband.

    • Bernard Says:

      That’s absolutely great Farah! Best of wishes, I’ll hold you in my prayers.

  197. ..... Says:

    Assalamualalikum,
    I would like to get some sort of clarity for my mother.
    My parents has been tahlak before my father passed away 6years ago, however since his passing, my mother moved back into the house with us and later did so with her christian boyfriend. I have advised againist it, but she is extremely stubborn and beleives i want to comprise her happiness. Anyway, she later told me that her intentions are to lead a proper islamic life and to convince her boyfriend to convert to islam. She had asked of us(her children) to show him what islam is about, i do feel that, that is a major thing to ask of us esp since she already entertained him with all the wrong doing.
    She has spoken to him about getting married and he does not believe in islam and does not wish to convert (apparently told her his not ready as yet but has been together for 10years). However they are planning to get married at court. I have questioned her with regard to the matter. Informed her that it is not permissible in islam for a muslim woman to marry a non muslim. But she didn’t seem much interested in my discussions, all she told me was that, according to her teachings there is nothing wrong with it.
    I need help to convince her against going to court and getting married. i fear this man will never except islam! And might convince her to forget her believes. i quote “He could object to the hijab which the wife would wear. He could want the wife to dress more ‘moderately’ especially when accompanying him to a party.” coz this is already happening.

    • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

      Wa’alaykum salam,

      It often happens that at time we prefer to follow our nafs rather than the Law of Allah (swt). And then to justify we say things like “my research shows this” or “my teachings show this”.

      Since when did we all of a sudden become mujtahids.

      What you need to do is explain to her that this is not permissible in Islam. In fact if you can find literature (books etc) on this topic you can give her those to read as well.

      Apart from that you can have the masjid imam to speak with her and guide her.

      Also remind to her that in case her “teachings” are wrong, she will be committing zina for the rest of her life as this marriage would be invalid in the eyes of Allah (swt).

      Insha’Allah Allah (swt) will open her heart and guide her.

  198. Jen Says:

    I have a problem, I am a muslim girl, with a Christian guy, we also have a baby. I understand what the bottom line is, so at the end of the day if he doesnt convert, I have to divorce him? That would be extremely hard and I can’t see myself doing it except to keep trying to get him to open his heart to Islam and truly believe. He would convert for marriage but I havent allowed it because although he thinks itmay give me peace of mind it wont because I know he doesnt believe and the marriage would be invalid. If I had not had a baby I would have turned my back as I’ve grown up and realised great consequences of my actions. However, it seems impossible to leave him now, Id rather keep on trying and trying to have him accept Islam, although it may take years and years. I watched my mum (a revert) who basically reverted to marry my father, and had no part in practicing as i grew up, and then one day, a couple years ago when i was 18, she found Islam and began to seek knowledge and pray and read quraan an wear the hijab etc etc etc. I feel that if someone like her, from a secluded Island and sheltered life can eventually open her mind and heart to embrace Islam than one day inshallah my partner can? Is it wrong to hope and try? I realise being with him right now is a sin, but I will not give up, nor give him up???

    • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

      Assalamu ‘alaykum,

      For your situation, I would firstly advise you to seek forgiveness of Allah (swt) for your error. We are all humans and prone to errors. What is important is that we realize the error and seek forgiveness from Allah (swt).

      Secondly, I would advise you to seek a formal fatwa from a mufti. Explain to him your situation in detail and then abide by the fatwa that he gives.

      For your general information the fatwa would most probably be along the lines that as Islamically this marriage is not valid, hence you will have to separate from this man. So you will have to live separately and while being apart you can give da’wah to him and see if he accepts Islam. If he does accept Islam, then you can stay with him as his wife. If he does not, then the marriage remains invalid and you are not his wife.

      I will email you one imam’s details so Insha’Allah do get in touch with him.

  199. Sarah. Says:

    Hello,
    I have been looking for something like that for so long and alhamdulila I found an article that can lead me to the right way. My problem doesn’t differ much from my other sisters but i’m just asking for guidance, I’ve been with my BoyFriend for more than a year, & me & him understand one another, I’m Muslim but he’s Christian, but he believes in Islam & everything. All his friends are Muslim’s too & me & him have chat’s about Islam and everything & it makes me so happy when he asks me about it.
    But what my problem is, that even if he converts (not for me but for the right reasons) My family might not except him as he is not Arab and all..
    I don’t know what to do in this case because me & him are both scared of my families rejection, and I don’t want to disobey them.

    • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

      Assalamu ‘alaykum,

      Marrying among tribes or people of the same ethnicity is a cultural practice and is incorrect. If a person is a good Muslim then regardless of his race or language, one should accept the suitor.

      However, if your parents do reject, you can get an imam to speak with them.

      If a woman is an adult, she can marry the person of her choice if he is suitable. You can inform your parents and if they disagree due to unislamic reasons then you can marry without their presence. The nikah would be valid provided the condition of the witnesses is fulfilled.

  200. Sarah. Says:

    Thank you for replying & Thank you for leading alot of people to the right way, I was thinking of getting an Imam to speak to my BoyFriend first then my father, I hope things do workout for the best insh’alah.

  201. Amina Says:

    Hi,

    i was reading your article and i undestand and respect your points of by muslim women cannot marry non muslim men form the book. however my friend who is a muslim woman is in a relationship with a non muslim man. He had read into islam and has a veru in depth knowledge of islam. He said he would convert however he read on the internet that conversion soley on the purpose to get married is not accepted. He respects his partners religion adn agreed that if they were to get married and have kids, they would be raised as muslims. He also said he wouldnt eat pork or expect her to cook it. He likes that she wear a scarf and wont expect her to change her faith or beliefs. So the points are the same as a muslim man marrying a non muslin woman by the book. they would like to marry….is it at all possible?

  202. Amina Says:

    salam,

    i was reading your article and i undestand and respect your points of by muslim women cannot marry non muslim men form the book. however my friend who is a muslim woman is in a relationship with a non muslim man. He had read into islam and has a veru in depth knowledge of islam. He said he would convert however he read on the internet that conversion soley on the purpose to get married is not accepted. He respects his partners religion adn agreed that if they were to get married and have kids, they would be raised as muslims. He also said he wouldnt eat pork or expect her to cook it. He likes that she wear a scarf and wont expect her to change her faith or beliefs. So the points are the same as a muslim man marrying a non muslin woman by the book. they would like to marry….is it at all possible?

    jazakallah.

  203. Amina Says:

    Salaam,

    Firstly Eid Mubarak. Secondly i would be most grateful if you could get back to me about the comment posted by myself on the 3/09/09.

    Jazakallah

    • Ebrahim Saifuddin Says:

      Wa’alaykum salam,

      Eid Mubarak to you as well.

      It will still not be permissible. This law is to safeguard the Muslim women so although such isolated cases might be true where the non-Muslim man says he will agree to everything, such a marriage would still remain impermissible.

      The matter of fact yet remains that such a man can change his mind later on or such a person could be deceiving the woman. (I am not referring to the person in question but speaking generally).

      So to safeguard the Muslim women, such a marriage has been declared impermissible.

  204. Amina Says:

    Thank you for replying and for your advice.


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